Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Living healthy through diet and exercise

My wife and I are the subject of much discussion in the neighborhood. 
I say it is because of our healthy lifestyle.  she thinks it is because the neighbors think I am a little strange. 
 I say that a person should have fruits and nuts in their diet.
She tells me to bring on the fruit, We already have the nut.  She glares at me when she says this.
I am a problem solver. I did figure how to bring on the fruit and improve our diet and still have energy when we walk on the beach.
I went to the supermarket and purchased a couple of decent size watermelons which she thought was a pretty good idea. She did not know about "The Plan".

It works like this: cut the watermelon in half. wrap it in hefty gallon bag to prevent drippage.  put a small  long plastic tube into the watermelon. stuff it into your back pack. Do not forget to bring a plastic spoon. It will come in handy later.
My wife queried, "What are you doing?"
"Hah! We are going to test my new health idea."

Testing: So the next day I started down the beach. I happily sipped watermelon juice through the straw, feeling very energetic while doing.  The load was getting lighter as I sipped. 
Wow!  This idea is brilliant. 
After walking 3 miles up the beach I stopped at one of the public access points and sat on the gazebo. I opened up my bag took out my watermelon and spoon and started eating the rest of my watermelon. It was delicious on such a hot day.
Wow! This idea is brilliant. 
There seems to be a lot of seagull activity today.

Epilogue: I finally made it home.  My wife saw me  and she did not know whether to laugh or cry.  She chose a combination of both. She was laughing so hard that tears were rolling down her cheeks.
I was covered with dirt, dead fruit flies, seagull feces, feathers, jellyfish sting, and I was carrying two tickets from the Beach Patrol. One for killing seagulls and one for littering watermelon and they let me off easy. The people I ran over did not press charges.
It seems that seagulls really like watermelon. 
I thought I would once again multi-task the watermelon. It was such a hot day I put it on my head to keep my head cool. It did feel refreshing. As I walk down the beach the seagulls got bolder.  They started landing on my head and pecking on the watermelon.
I was fighting them off pretty well at first. after a few minutes I was simply outnumbered.  I started throwing dirt and seashell at them as I sprinted down the beach.  It was starting to remind me of an Alfred Hitchcock movie, but I was running so hard I couldn't remember which one. At one point I had so many birds on me I would trip and fall and crawl for a while.  It must have been at this point that the beach patrol spotted me.
They said they had never seen  a person crawl a five minute mile. 
It occurred to me that the watermelon might be an issue. so I ditched it.  I ran into the shallow water to get the crap off me but got stung by a jellyfish immediately.  I hopped out of the water  and the shore patrol caught up with me.
I think I have some fine tuning to do on my idea.

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