Sunday, March 30, 2014

Sex, lies, no videotape meme

Useless information about me meme!

At the least, people with no social skills.

  1. Do you have an innie or an outie?  It's an outie,  I'm a guy!!!…Oh…Belly buttons? innie.
  2. Have you ever been in opposite sex's bathroom? Yes, and I had a wonderful time there. Don't ask, please.
  3. Can you make change for a dollar right now? I don't have any cash in my pockets but I can get to money in about 30 seconds.
  4. Are you superstitious? No, knock on wood.
  5. Have you ever written a book?  I've written lot of stuff, but unpublished.  I have been really close though.  "To Kill a Hummingbird" comes to mind.  And what about "Gone with the Tornado", so close.  I am having size difficulties in my writing.
  6. What's the scariest book you have ever read?  "The Teen's guide to hitchhiking cross country."  My mother gave me this book….wrapped in a road map, when I was 14 years old.
  7. What is the strangest date you ever had?  Hmmmm!  Good question.  I have had a few.  Perhaps it was the 6 ft. tall girl who kept pushing my face into her ample bosom on a regular basis at the company xmas party.  Or maybe it was the stalker.  She followed me to the men's room and later I climbed a pole to get away from her. Bad plan. No exit strategy.  This is only a sampling.
  8. What kind of music do you like to dance to?  Funeral music usually….What???
  9. Bath or shower?  Do I have to?
  10. Favorite book of all time.  James Michener's"Centennial", 2nd choice "Hawaii".  Epoch historical fiction.  Great stories.
  11. Is the glass half empty or is the glass half full?   I have to agree with George Carlin.  The glass is twice the size it should be.  Now put that question to sleep…please.
  12. Where did you grow up?  Well,  It was a slow process.  So it happened in many places.  I don't think I have reached my full growth yet.
  13. Do you have a donor card?  Yes, but only for my testicles.  I jumped the line at Walmart and the woman behind me said I had a lot of balls.  I told her I will donate them in her memory.  I feel obligated.
  14. What are you reading now?  This question.
  15. What's under your bed?   There's is something under my bed? Or somebody? Oh, I won't sleep tonight.
  16. What kind of music do you like?  Oldies from the 50's and 60's, Blues, Reggae, Mozart, Plato, Old Country and Western.
  17. What kind of music do you hate? Rap really jumps out at me.  Everybody over 8 years old wants to be a rap singer.  Aside: Every time I see Justin Beiber I feel a compelling urge to vomit.
  18. Some memories about your father? Aqua Velva, Vitalis, always being well dressed, his love of the Yankees, and Giants, his quiet manner and calmness.
  19. Some memories of your mother?  Her cooking ability which she taught my sister, but not me, her indomitable spirit in the face of cancer, her sense of humor. her feisty spirit.
  20. Some memories of best friends: Wayne was a great athlete. In baseball he was the catcher. To this day he is the best I have ever seen.   He was great at everything he did, except driving while drinking.  He was in an car accident shortly after graduation.  One boy was killed, 3 were injured.  The car disintegrated on impact with a pole. The car was held together with tape and baling wire.  The accident changed him forever.   He became an alcoholic.  He died  at age 62.  Andy was an intelligent, creative and funny guy.  He received the news that he had juvenile diabetes when he was a juvenile (17 years old).   He lived his life thereafter like there was no tomorrow.  At the age of 20 he told me he would not live to be 40.   He died in 1982.  He was 39 years old.  These were two great guys and two great friends.  I still miss them and think about them.  Life is fragile.
  21. Dog person or a cat person?  Cat person.  I had a dog once.  High maintenance. Smelly when wet, noisy communication skills, needy, usually licked his crotch or eating his own vomit. You had to buy his food by the truckload.  Cats are different.  When we adopted Wilson and Madison, they just strutted into the house and said, "Where my food dish, water and litter?  Call me at dinnertime.  I  will be taking a nap in your chair."  Easy.
    Wilson 1996-2012
    Madison 201?-20??

  22. Plato? Question 16. I was checking to see if you were paying attention.  I really meant Picasso.
  23. The sex question.  Male or female? Yes.
  24. Answer the question, Bucko. Where did it happen?The deed! Ok, Ok! Car, Ok? No? Ok! Two inebriated juveniles in the back.....actually it was the front seat of  a Plymouth.  It was a disaster for everyone involved.  Even the Plymouth was embarrassed.  Happy now?
  25. Last Question. Picasso? No, I actually like Kandinsky better.
Now I have told you things you really didn't need to know and most likely don't even care.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

I miss 1957.

I am writing a new blog.   

I was reviewing my folders in Pages (Apple's version of Word) and TextEdit.  These folders caught my attention.  They are just as relevant now as they were in 2009, when I first saw them.

Enjoy them. 
One is about recycling, the other about common sense.  I am not sure who the authors were.  It was not me.

A Death. (Common Sense)
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, “Common Sense,” who has been with us for many years.  No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.  He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- the early bird gets the worm;
- life isn’t always fair; and
- maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.  Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. 

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.  She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, “Truth” and “Trust,” by his wife, “Discretion,” by his daughter, “Responsibility,” and by his son, “Reason.”

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers – “I Know My Rights,” “I Want It Now,” “Someone Else Is To Blame,” and “I’m A Victim.”

Not many attended his funeral, because so few realized he was gone.  If you still remember him, pass this on.  If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Yeah, we were environmental jerks.

Being Green
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.
The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."
The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment f or future generations."
She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truely recycled.
But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.
But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.
We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.
That sounds like me. The old part.