In recent weeks I noticed that the number of hits on my blog has been diminishing on google analyticals. My three regular readers are starting to waver.
I asked a few of my “friends” to review my blog and give an honest assessment of my writings.
Randy Jackson of American idol: Dude
“Dude….Yo…Dude…Yo…..ridiculously good…yo,Dude, I think you’re in it to win it. Yo, Dude.”
"I was moved to tears by your last blog. You have the talent but you must bring it to the next level. You can’t keep playing it safe.”
"Your range of talent is wider than Randy Jackson’s ass, funnier than my wardrobe and has more eye catching range than Jennifer Lopez’s butt."
Randy Jackson: “Yo….dude..yo…yo…..yoyo…Yo…dude!”
Howie Mandell of America’s Got Talent:
“I was touched by your blogs. Here’s the thing. DON’T TOUCH ME. I don’t like being touched.”
“I didn’t understand the humour, but Ozzie explained it to me. Now I understand.”
“Drivel, absolute and pure drivel. Change your shoes, changes your socks, change your underwear, change your blog and you could capture the American public. They will love it.”
“You are wonderfully talented .. but ..You're fired. Piers, you're fired too. Randy…fired! Hemlock? who?”
“Yo…dude…yo…Stone Barrington loves it. His hero is Colt Brandisher.”
Huh? That didn’t sound much like Stuart Woods.
Clark Kent of the Daily Planet says:
“A super blog. Almost more powerful than a locomotive.”
Bruce Wayne of Gotham City says:
"Don’t bother me right now, Hemlock! I have my own problems. I have to go to court today.
Let me give you a bit of advice, my friend. Don’t take a 15 year old boy into your house, put him in tights and a cape, name him Robin. I dress myself up in tights, cape and a mask, keep the kid in a basement cave for 40 years and expect gratitude. He is suing me for every penny I am worth. He says I molested him. I know it looks bad. I wrestled and boxed with him but that was training.
My manservant, Alfred, has turned against me. Alfred said he heard a lot of “bam, boom, pow” coming from the basement. It was training, nothing inappropriate. well, I may have touched Robin’s cute little butt occasionally. Nothing sexual, Really.
Well, I did peck him on the cheek once or twice. No tongue involved….except that day I was very lonesome. The kid was a hottie…I gotta go. Great blog."
Hemlock: “Thanks Bruce for the glowing review. Hmmmm! TMI!”
“Yo…Bruce….Dude…Yo. Be in it to win it. Yo.”
Ozzie Osborne:”Wha….who win? Where my frog? umm.da dooba.. Damn you, frog. wha..yo..wha..yoyo…doodoo? good,…good?”
David Hasselhoff: “Hemlock, a beer and your blog is all I need to find happiness. You could
throw up throw in a hamburger and I am a happy boy.”
Clarence Thomas, Supreme court judge:
“Dude…dude…Randy has a big butt. This is my judgement. Jennifer Lopez?…her ass is three happy meals from catching up with Randy’s butt. Steven Tyler…How would you like to meet that dude in a dark alley at 2 am? Fun….not!!!! Hemlock your blog was judged. It was 5 to 4. Happy now? Yo…dude.”
Rush Limbaugh (American know-it-all)
“Hemlock, You are a left wing, nut job slut. Your blog will be the downfall of all good american values such as owning an Uzi, texting while driving, the right to bash gay people and other fun stuff. Don’t try to confuse me with common sense. I don’t care that you have been a registered republican since 1963, I don’t like your communistic anti-god, gay loving blog, you writing whore!!!!"
“Yo…..Limbaugh Dude..Yo….Your ass is fatter than mine. Your fat ass goes all the way to the top of your Charlie Brown head. Yo…Dude.”
“Don’t you just hate it when you die suddenly? It ruined my vacation plans. I was going to catch up on Hemlock’s blog. He is one of my favorites."
"Don’t you just hate it when you get to the pearly gates and there is a waiting line? Why do they call it the pearly gates? I saw no pearls or no one named pearl. Hey, There’s Mike Wallace and Ed Bradley. They are arguing over who is going to interview God. Don’t you hate it when you get to heaven and people are arguing about who is going to interview God?”
George Bush former President and comedian.
"After reading Henrock's blogs I had an ephifory. I realized I should be saying epiphany. I must now change my life strawtiggery."
“Yo… Hemlock dude…..Does this culotte make my ass look big? It isn’t a culotte, dude? It’s my boxer shorts. Yo…dude.”
Lady Gaga: "Hemlock’s blogs are pretentious and contrived. I ought to know."
Steven Hawking: physicist and actor on “Big Bang Theory”
“I don’t talk much, but if I could I would say that Hemlock’s blog is pure genius and if Shakespeare was alive today he would say. 'Wow. I’m old and Hemlock is great.'”
Helen Keller Junior:
"A winner at the braille blog of the month club."
Kanye West: singer and world foremost authority on the Arts
"Hemlock, not bad, but Beyonce's blog is really much better. Aorry, not really."
Internet reviews: (the vote is in)
LOL count 172
LMAO count 269
WTF? count 13,482
WYSIWYG count 128
2G2B4G count 3
Stop! AAAAA (American Association Against Acronym Abuse) count 3477
Meh count 211
TBD count 687
other count 8
Yo.....OK! The vote is in. It has been decided. Randy Jackson needs a dictionary to enhance his limited vocabulary.......Dude!
As Judge Judy would say...RIDICULOUS!!!!!
The blog. It will survive.