Monday, December 25, 2017

Membership drive for the Hemlock Institute.

Greetings and Salutation to my fellow pseudo intellects.

My name is Jonathan Hemlock.   I am president of the Hemlock Institute.  We  are a think tank for people with IQ's in the high double figures.  I will tell you a little bit about our staff.

Jonathan Hemlock: President of HI.  I am a college educated freelance profiler.  I am about 100 credit hours away from acquiring my degree in forensic bovine scatology tasting testing.

Little French Lady: (LFL) Is an expert in the English language.   She is fully involved in the grammar and rhetoric aspects of the English language.  As soon as she can figure when to when to use who/whom and understand why the word invalid can mean two different things she will be a big help to me.

Madison Louise Wilsonova: (Maddie Lou) Our cat. An associate member.   She doesn't like to attend meetings and she will usually sleep through them when she shows up.  
Ocassionally she will get up give a good solid head butt when you do something agreeable to her but she has a tendency to get verbally abusive if the meeting runs into her feeding time.

We have certain rules at the HI.

  • No criticizing that stupid bastard, Donald Trump.
  • I make the rules.
  • refer to rules  A and 2.
  • Our newsletter will come out when I feel like writing it.
  • BE CONsiStant
  • use spelcheck
  • have odor orterr order in your work

  • BE CONsiStant
  • proofread yore werk.
  • Okay, i'm done. send the cash!
  • Flash Fiction for writing class

    I met Maria on the beach.  The moment our eyes met I knew she was my “forever person. “ Maria was from a city one hundred miles to the south.  We had a great summer together. We promised to write.  We faithfully kept our promises.
    At first the letters were friendly, then romantic, then steamy.
    I would go to the library daily to find romantic poems to include in my letters. In the month of December I had a huge stack of letters, than one hundred.

    In the late spring I received a “dear John” letter from Maria.  She was engaged to the mailman.  They planned on marrying the Labor Day weekend.  

    That’s fine.  I eloped with the Librarian last week.