Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Limbaugh/Beck Citizenship Test.

"See you in Charleston, Barack!"

My Sweetie, who is a Canadian Citizen, has decided to become a US citizen. She is looking forward to singing, "I'm proud to be an American" on the way home from the test. I am very happy for her. Now she can become part of the greatest healthcare system in the world as stated by many Republicans in congress.

Perhaps our President can travel down to Charleston, SC and be sworn in as a citizen the same day my wife since Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck claim he is not a citizen.
Incidentally, Do we have any proof that John McCain is a US citizen? He was born in Panama. The last time I heard that was not in the US.

Well, anyway....I suspect that Limbaugh and Beck are about to update the citizenship test for when Obama head for Charleston to take the test. I have had the good fortune to be privy to a bunch of their questions.

  1. Name the Lt. Governor of Vermont.
  2. How many Samoans live in Phoenix, Arizona?
  3. If a plane crashes on the California, Montana border, Where do they bury the survivors?
  4. Rush has 10 marbles. If he loses 2 each day, how long before he loses all his marbles? (trick question! He has already lost his marbles.)
  5. Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Joe Stalin, Adoph Hitler....which one does not belong in this group? (another trick matter what answer you give it is wrong....only one female, only one left winger.....hah!!!)
  6. How many letters in the Hawaiian alphabet? (This one is for you, Barack!)
  7. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
  8. Name 20 people buried in the Arlington National Cemetery.
  9. Who's picture is on a $1000 bill?
  10. Explain Thermodynamic in 30 words or less
  11. madam, civic, eye, level. in one word, what are these? (must spell correctly)
  12. What can be heard and caught but not seen?
  13. What is the correct answer to this question?
  14. What's wrong with you? (This questions is for Mormons and Catholics.)
  15. Name the hill that "The Battle of Bunker Hill" was fought. (Trick question! It was actually fought on and around Breed's Hill.)
  16. How long did the "Hundred Years War" last?(Trick Question...113 years)
  17. Pi?....
  18. What's that on your head? (This question is for Muslims, Jews, and Cowboys)
  19. Who came in second on Season 2 of American Idol?
  20. What disease did cured ham actually have?
  21. why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
  22. How important does a person have to be before they consider him/her assassinated, not murdered?
  23. Can a hearse with a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
  24. Should illiterates be allowed to buy alphabet soup?
  25. Why is abbreviation such a big word?
  26. What was Abraham Lincoln's hat size?
  27. Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off?
  28. What's the name of Rocky the flying squirrel's companion?
  29. What do the Chinese people call their good plates?
  30. E=MC2... explain.
  31. Explain George W, Bush's Ephiforatic strawtiggery doctrine.
  32. Pocahantas and Sacajawea? explain.
  33. Which programming language is a Macbook Snow Leopard operating system written in?

OK! This is a few sample questions for Barack.....and my wife when we get to the Federal office.
There are a few questions my wife hasn't figured out yet so I am kinda happy that there are different questions.
No, Sweetie...The Great Depression was not when everbody was sad!
No, Roosevelt was not a cross dresser, it was Hoover, but not Herbert Hoover. It was his brother Jegdar. The FBI guy.
No, Teddy Roosevelt did not manufacture condoms. He was the leader of the "Rough Riders. He didn't make them.
Another thing: The answer to the question, "who will take over for the President if he can not serve?", is not OMG!!!!!
To go even a little further: If neither the Prez or VP cannot serve, the answer is not "Holy Crap".

Also, Diana Ross is not Chief of the Supreme Court.
George Washington is known for more than wooden teeth and standing up in the boat going across the Delaware River so he wouldn't have to row and get his hands cold.
I might add that answering the question, "name a war that the US fought in during the twentieth century?" cannot answer with the question, "Wouldn't it be easier to answer: What year didn't the US fight in a war?
I believe the answer to that was 1947.
Also, the "Cold War" is not when you pounded on the radiator's so the landlord would turn up the heat.

Other than those items, I believe you have a complete grasp of the citizenship test.
I will go get that Lee Greenwood CD now.