Monday, December 25, 2017

Membership drive for the Hemlock Institute.

Greetings and Salutation to my fellow pseudo intellects.


My name is Jonathan Hemlock.   I am president of the Hemlock Institute.  We  are a think tank for people with IQ's in the high double figures.  I will tell you a little bit about our staff.

Jonathan Hemlock: President of HI.  I am a college educated freelance profiler.  I am about 100 credit hours away from acquiring my degree in forensic bovine scatology tasting testing.

Little French Lady: (LFL) Is an expert in the English language.   She is fully involved in the grammar and rhetoric aspects of the English language.  As soon as she can figure when to when to use who/whom and understand why the word invalid can mean two different things she will be a big help to me.

Madison Louise Wilsonova: (Maddie Lou) Our cat. An associate member.   She doesn't like to attend meetings and she will usually sleep through them when she shows up.  
Ocassionally she will get up give a good solid head butt when you do something agreeable to her but she has a tendency to get verbally abusive if the meeting runs into her feeding time.

We have certain rules at the HI.
      RULES

  • No criticizing that stupid bastard, Donald Trump.
  • I make the rules.
  • refer to rules  A and 2.
  • Our newsletter will come out when I feel like writing it.
  • BE CONsiStant
  • use spelcheck
  • have odor orterr order in your work


  • BE CONsiStant
  • proofread yore werk.
  • Okay, i'm done. send the cash!
  • Flash Fiction for writing class

    I met Maria on the beach.  The moment our eyes met I knew she was my “forever person. “ Maria was from a city one hundred miles to the south.  We had a great summer together. We promised to write.  We faithfully kept our promises.
    At first the letters were friendly, then romantic, then steamy.
    I would go to the library daily to find romantic poems to include in my letters. In the month of December I had a huge stack of letters, than one hundred.

    In the late spring I received a “dear John” letter from Maria.  She was engaged to the mailman.  They planned on marrying the Labor Day weekend.  

    That’s fine.  I eloped with the Librarian last week. 

    Monday, October 30, 2017

    The Great North American Intelligence and Texting While Driving Test

    For Superior humans only

    Greetings to you, special person.
    Today we will test your critical thinking skills.
    Yes ...YOU!!!



    First test:
    B
    A
    Which one is the African American?

    D
    C
    Answer is below


    Now it is time for some serious testing.  
    Are you good with numbers?  
    OK, pay attention.  very important.
    If you have taken this test before, do it again.
    The accounting test.   click link. Listen to the instructions.
    How did you do?
    You failed?

    Try this.
    Which way is the bus going?



    SECOND TEST
    A certain five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it.
    what is the word?

    THIRD TEST
    A clerk at a butcher shop is six feet tall, has a hat size 13 and brown hair.
    What does he weigh?

    TEST 4

    FILL IN THE BLANKS IN LESS THAN ONE MINUTE
    F_ _K
    PU_S_
    BOO_S
    _UNT
    S_X
    D_CK
    P-N_S
    _ _NDOM
    WH_RE
    T_T

    How did you do on the vocabulary test?

    Next:


















    THIS IS SO AWKWARD!!!
    HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?

    perhaps I should just move onto the answers.

    TEST 1 ANSWER:
    A is Elon Musk, South African born American Citizen. Maker of the Tesla car.

    B. Patrick soon shiong is a South Africa -born  American  citizen, Medical Doctor and Cancer researcher,

    C. Charlize Theron, South African American Citizen.  Academy award winning actress.

    D is Sal Masekela.  He was born in California. His mother was born in Haiti. His dad is Hugh Masekela, a jazz musician from South Africa.  Sal is what we call an American.

    They don't call black people in Canada...African Canadians.  They call them Canadians.


    That would make the correct answers A,B, and C


    TEST 2:The word would be short.
    TEST 3: Meat
    TEST 4 Fork, purse, books,  aunt, six,  deck, pints, random, where, tot,

    The bus? You figure it out.

    this whole thing has been...AWKWARD!!!!!!


    Monday, October 23, 2017

    The Trump File

    From the internet.  Iam sure the author won't mind.

    Donald Trump and undocumented Polish workers


    Where and when: New York City, 1980
    The dirt: In order to construct his signature Trump Tower, the builder first had to demolish the Bonwit Teller store, an architecturally beloved Art Deco edifice. The work had to be done fast, and so managers hired 200 undocumented Polish workers to tear it down, paying them substandard wages for backbreaking work—$5 per hour, when they were paid at all. The workers didn’t wear hard hats and often slept at the site. When the workers complained about their back pay, they were allegedly threatened with deportation. Trump said he was unaware that illegal immigrants were working at the site.
    The upshot: In 1991, a federal judge found Trump and other defendants guilty of conspiring to avoid paying union pension and welfare contributions for the workers. The decision was appealed, with partial victories for both sides, and ultimately settled privately in 1999. In a February GOP debate, Marco Rubio brought up the story to accuse Trump of hypocrisy in his stance on illegal immigration. Meanwhile, Massimo Calabresi shows that testimony under oath shows Trump was aware of illegal immigrants being employed there.

    Suing Journalist Tim O’Brien for Libel
    Where and when: New York City, 2006-2009
    The dirt: In 2005, then-New York Times reporter Tim O’Brien published the book TrumpNation, in which he reported that Trump was actually only worth $150-250 million, not the billions he claimed. Trump, incensed, sued O’Brien for $5 billion. (That’s one way to become a billionaire.)


    The upshot: Trump’s suit against O'Brien was tossed. More recently, O’Brien has mocked Trump’s current claims about his net worth. Trump, meanwhile, has said on the campaign trail—and, mindblowingly, in an interview with the Washington Post editorial board—that he wants to make it easier to sue for libel. The Post combed through Trump’s deposition in the case and found 30 instances where Trump admitted to having lied.

    Refusing to Pay Workers and Contractors
    Where and when: various, 1980s-present
    The dirt: Contractors, waiters, dishwashers, and plumbers who have worked at Trump projects say that his company stiffed them for work, refusing to pay for services rendered. USA Today did a lengthy review, finding that some of those contracts were for hundreds of thousands of dollars, many owed to small businesses that failed or struggled to continue because of unpaid bills. (Trump was also found to have improperly withheld compensation in the undocumented Polish worker controversy.)
    The upshot: Trump has offered various excuses, including shoddy workmanship, but the scale of the problem—hundreds of allegations—makes that hard to credit. In some cases, even the lawyers Trump has hired to defend him have sued him for failing to pony up their fees. In one lawsuit, a Trump employee admitted in court that a painter was stiffed because managers determined they had “already paid enough.” The cases are damaging because they show Trump not driving a hard bargain with other businesses, but harming ordinary, hard-working Americans. More recently, several contractors filed $5 million in liens against Trump’s new hotel in Washington, alleging he has not paid them for services rendered.

    Alleged Marital Rape  
    Where and when: New York City, 1989

    The dirt: While married to Ivana Trump, Donald Trump became angry at her—according to a book by Harry Hurt, over a painful scalp-reduction surgery—and allegedly forcibly had sex with her. Ivana Trump said during a deposition in their divorce case that she “felt violated” and that her husband had raped her. Later, Ivana Trump released a statement saying: “During a deposition given by me in connection with my matrimonial case, I stated that my husband had raped me. [O]n one occasion during 1989, Mr. Trump and I had marital relations in which he behaved very differently toward me than he had during our marriage. As a woman, I felt violated, as the love and tenderness, which he normally exhibited towards me, was absent. I referred to this as a ‘rape,’ but I do not want my words to be interpreted in a literal or criminal sense.”

    The upshot: When The Daily Beast reported on the incident, Trump’s right-hand man Michael Cohen threatened reporters and claimed—incorrectly—that a man cannot legally rape his wife. The case is one of several cases where Trump has been accused of misogyny, including his comments about Megyn Kelly early in the primary campaign or his fury at a lawyer who, during a deposition, asked for a break to pump breast milk. “You’re disgusting,” Trump said, and walked out. (Wayne Barrett collects some lowlights here.

    Al Behrman / Associated Press
    Breaking Casino Rules  
    Where and when: New York and New Jersey, various

    The dirt: Trump has been repeatedly fined for breaking rules related to his operation of casinos. In 1990, with Trump Taj Mahal in trouble, Trump’s father Fred strolled in and bought 700 chips worth a total of $3.5 million. The purchase helped the casino pay debt that was due, but because Fred Trump had no plans to gamble, the New Jersey gaming commission ruled that it was a loan that violated operating rules. Trump paid a $30,000 fine; in the end, the loan didn’t prevent a bankruptcy the following year. As noted above, New Jersey also fined Trump $200,000 for arranging to keep black employees away from mafioso Robert LiButti’s gambling table. In 1991, the Casino Control Commission fined Trump’s company another $450,000 for buying LiButti nine luxury cars. And in 2000, Trump was fined $250,000 for breaking New York state law in lobbying to prevent an Indian casino from opening in the Catskills, for fear it would compete against his Atlantic City casinos.
    The upshot: Trump admitted no wrongdoing in the New York case. He’s now out of the casino business.

    Antitrust Violations  
    Where and when: New Jersey, 1986
    The dirt: In 1986, Trump decided he wanted to expand his casino empire in Atlantic City. His plan was to mount a hostile takeover of two casino companies, Holiday and Bally. Trump started buying up stock in the companies with an eye toward gaining control. But Bally realized what was going on and sued him for antitrust violations. “Trump hopes to wrest control of Bally from its public shareholders without paying them the control premium they otherwise could command had they been adequately informed of Trump's intentions,” the company argued.


    The upshot: Trump gave up the attempt in 1987, but the Federal Trade Commission fined him $750,000 for failing to disclose his purchases of stock in the two companies, which exceeded minimum disclosure levels.


    Corey Lewandowski    
    Where and when: Jupiter, Florida, 2016
    The dirt: Trump picked Corey Lewandowski to manage his campaign, despite a relatively short resume. For a long time, that seemed to work well for both—Trump soared to the lead in GOP polls. But Lewandowski hit a rough patch in early March. As Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields tried to ask Trump a question after a press conference, Lewandowski reached out and wrenched her out of the way. Lewandowski and Trump insisted the incident had never happened and that Fields was “delusional,” even though witnesses attested to having seen it.

    The upshot: Surveillance footage acquired by Jupiter Police from Trump National, site of the press conference, clearly showed what had happened. Lewandowski was arrested for battery, but the prosecutor opted not to press charges. Trump has said he may have been the one in danger, since Fields’s pen could have been a bomb.

    The Trump Foundation
    Where and when: Various, 1988-prese


    The dirt: Though Donald Trump often promises to give to charity, his foundation has proven rather skimpy on the gifts over the years—and when it has given, the money has often come from other pockets than Trump’s, including outside donors and even NBC. In the mid-2000s, Trump reconfigured the charity as a pass-through, soliciting donations from other and then giving the money away as though from himself. It appears that the foundation did not have the requisite legal permission from New York state to gather donations. In a few cases, the foundation also reported making donations it had not made. There’s special scrutiny on one $25,000 donation it did give, to a group supporting Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi, which arrived just days before she quashed an investigation into Trump University and the Trump Institute. Trump also appears to have used $258,000 in foundation money, most of it given by other donors and not himself, to settle legal disputes, including donations to charity in lieu of paying fines. Trump directed more than $2 million in income to the foundation, and if he didn’t pay taxes on them—his campaign for the most part refused to say—it would be illegal tax-dodging.

    The upshot: The foundation appears to have broken IRS rules on “self-dealing” by paying to resolve the legal disputes as well as buying a portrait of Trump and a Tim Tebow helmet that went back to the Trump family. In November, in tax filings posted online, the Trump Foundation said it had violated self-dealing rules in 2015 and in previous, indeterminate, years. On the donation, Trump and Bondi both say there was no quid-pro-quo, but the donation was an illegal one for a charitable nonprofit, and the foundation had to pay a $2,500 fine. Liberal watchdog group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington charges other laws may have been broken as well. New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman has reportedly launched an investigation into the foundation. Schneiderman has also informed the foundation that it is in violation of rules on fundraising and ordered it to quit. Trump has announced plans to shutter his foundation, but reportedly cannot do so while it is under investigation.


    The Cuban Embargo
    Where and when: Cuba, 1998-present
    The dirt: Although U.S. law prohibits American commercial involvement in Cuba, there’s evidence to suggest that the Trump Organization has been active on the island for almost two decades. In 1998, as the Clinton administration loosened some restrictions, Trump scouted business opportunities, and according to documents viewed by Newsweek, spent $68,000 there, likely in violation of the law. More recently, Trump executive have traveled to Cuba in apparent scouting trips for golf resorts, BusinessWeek reports.

    The upshot: Trump and his company have not commented in any detail on either report. One Trump executive told BusinessWeek that his travel to Cuba was unrelated to the company, while another associate said he’d discussed forming a company with Trump to run golf courses in Cuba. Experts said these activities would all likely fall afoul of current rules.

    Trump University  
    Where and when: 2005-2010, online
    The dirt: In 2005, the Trump announced an eponymous “university” to teach his real-estate development secrets. Students ponied up as much as $35,000—some after being suckered in by slick free “seminars”—to learn how to get rich. One ad promised they would “learn from Donald Trump’s handpicked instructors, and that participants would have access to Trump’s real estate ‘secrets.’” In fact, Trump had little to do with the curriculum or the instructors. Many of the “students” have since complained that Trump U. was a scam. At one time, it had some prestigious instructors, but over time the “faculty” became a motley bunch of misfits. (It was also never really a “university” by any definition, and it changed its name to the “Trump Entrepreneur Initiative,” because as it happened, the school was violating New York law by operating without an educational license.)

    The upshot: The school shut down in 2010. In November 2016, Trump agreed to settle a series of lawsuits related to the school for $25 million. Trump did not admit any wrongdoing as part of the settlement. But he had insisted for months that he would not settle the suit because he expected to win. For a time, he appeared to have been trying to intimidate plaintiffs, including countersuing one for $1 million (a favorite Trump litigation tactic) and refusing to let her withdraw from the suit. (The countersuit was thrown out.) His lawyers cited positive reviews, but former students say they were pressured to give those. Trump also mounted a length attack on the judge, claiming his ethnicity made him biased. Trump has been widely repudiated across the board, with fellow Republicans openly calling him racist.

    Tenant Intimidation   
    Where and when: New York City, 1982-1986
    The scoop: In 1981, Trump scooped up a building on Central Park South, reasoning that the existing structure was a dump, but the land it was on would be a great place for luxury condos. Trump’s problem was that the existing tenants were—understandably and predictably—unwilling to let go of their rent-controlled apartments on Central Park. Trump used every trick in the book to get them out. He tried to reverse exceptions the previous landlord had given to knock down walls, threatening eviction. Tenants said he cut off heat and hot water. Building management refused to make repairs; two tenants swore in court that mushrooms grew on their carpet from a leak. Perhaps Trump’s most outlandish move was to place newspaper ads offering to house homeless New Yorkers in empty units—since, as Trump wrote in The Art of the Deal, he didn’t intend to fill units with permanent residents anyway. City officials turned him down, saying the idea did not seem appropriate. Typically, Trump also sued tenants for $150 million when they complained.

    The upshot: Trump gave in. He settled with tenants and agreed to monitoring. The building still stands today, and his son Eric owns a unit on the top floor.

    Racial Housing Discrimination  
    Where and when: New York City, 1973-1975
    The dirt: The Department of Justice sued Trump and his father Fred in 1973 for housing discrimination at 39 sites around New York. “The government contended that Trump Management had refused to rent or negotiate rentals ‘because of race and color,’” The New York Times reported. “It also charged that the company had required different rental terms and conditions because of race and that it had misrepresented to blacks that apartments were not available.” Trump called the accusations “absolutely ridiculous.”

    The upshot: The Trumps hired attorney Roy Cohn, who had worked for Joe McCarthy and whom Michael Kinsley once indelibly labeled “innocent of a variety of federal crimes.” They sued the Justice Department for $100 million. In the end, however, the Trumps settled with the government, promising not to discriminate and submitting to regular review by the New York Urban League—though crucially not admitting guilt. The Times has much more on the long history of allegations at Trump-owned properties.

    The Four Bankruptcies  
    Where and when: 1991, 1992, 2004, 2009
    The dirt: Four times in his career, Trump’s companies have entered bankruptcy.
    In the late 1980s, after insisting that his major qualification to build a new casino in Atlantic City was that he wouldn’t need to use junk bonds, Trump used junk bonds to build Trump Taj Mahal. He built the casino, but couldn’t keep up with interest payments, so his company declared bankruptcy in 1991. He had to sell his yacht, his airline, and half his ownership in the casino.
    A year later, another of Trump’s Atlantic City casinos, the Trump Plaza, went bust after losing more than $550 million. Trump gave up his stake but otherwise insulated himself personally from losses, and managed to keep his CEO title, even though he surrendered any salary or role in day-to-day operations. By the time all was said and done, he had some $900 million in personal debt.
    Trump bounced back over the following decade, but by 2004, Trump Hotels and Casino Resorts was $1.8 billion in debt. The company filed for bankruptcy and emerged as Trump Entertainment Resorts. Trump himself was the chairman of the new company, but he no longer had a controlling stake in it.
    Five years later, after the real-estate collapse, Trump Entertainment Resorts once again went bankrupt. Trump resigned from the board, but the company retained his name. In 2014, he successfully sued to take his name off the company and its casinos—one of which had already closed, and the other of which was near closing.

    The upshot: Trump is very touchy about any implication that he personally declared bankruptcy, arguing—just as he explains away his campaign contributions to Democrats—that he’s just playing the game: “We’ll have the company. We’ll throw it into a chapter. We’ll negotiate with the banks. We’ll make a fantastic deal. We’ll use those. But they were never personal. This is nothing personal. You know, it’s like on The Apprentice. It’s not personal. It’s just business. Okay? If you look at our greatest people, Carl Icahn with TWA and so many others. Leon Black, Linens-n-Things and others. Henry Kravis. A lot of ‘em, everybody. But with me it’s ‘Oh, you did—’ this is a business thing. I’ve used the laws of this country to pare debt.”


    The Beauty Pageant Scandals
    Where and when: Various, 1992-present

    The dirt: The Boston Globe’s Matt Viser reports on the mess of the American Dream pageant in 1992. After years of attending beauty pageants—Trump seems to have always enjoyed the company of beautiful, scantily clad women—he decided he wanted to get in on the business himself, meeting with George Houraney and Jill Harth, a couple that ran the American Dream pageant. It was an ill-fated effort. Harth and Houraney alleged that Trump started making passes at her almost immediately. On one occasion, Trump allegedly asked them to bring some models to a party. Harth alleges Trump groped her at the party. In a limo afterward, another model said she heard him say that “all women are bimbos” and most “gold diggers.” Trump reportedly joined another model in bed, uninvited, late at night. On other occasions, he forced Harth into bedrooms and made passes at her, she said. But after the contest, Trump broke off dealings. Harth sued Trump, alleging sexual misbehavior, while the couple together sued him for breach of contract. In the suit, they also alleged that Trump had kept black women out of the pageant.

    The upshot: The couple settled with Trump for an unannounced sum, and Harth dropped her suit. Trump has denied all the allegations. But it wasn’t Trump’s last turn in the pageant business. A few years later, he bought the Miss Universe pageant, which also includes Miss USA and Miss Teen USA. “Honestly, when I bought [Miss Universe], the bathing suits got smaller and the heels got higher and the ratings went up,” he boasted to Vanity Fair later. In 2012, he won a $5 million suit against a former contestant who claimed the contest was rigged. By 2015, he operated Miss Universe as a joint venture with NBC, but after he slurred Mexican immigrants at his campaign launch, Univision and NBC both announced they would not air the pageant. Trump bought out NBC’s share, then promptly sold the company. He sued Univision but settled in February. The terms were undisclosed.

    Sexual-Assault Allegations
    Where and when: Various, 1970s-2005


    The dirt: Even before the release of a 2005 video in which he boasted about sexually assaulting women—“Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything,” he said, as well as “I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything”—there’s a long line of allegations against Trump. Jill Harth says Trump assaulted her in the 1990s. Trump’s ex-wife Ivana Trump once suggested he had raped her, though she has since recanted her story. Former Miss Utah Temple Taggart said he kissed her on the lips inappropriately. But since the release, more women have come forward. Two told The New York Times that Trump had assaulted them, one saying he tried to put his hand up her skirt on a flight in the 1970s and another saying he forcibly kissed her. A Florida woman says Trump groped her. A former People reporter recounted an alleged assault at his Mar-a-Lago debate, and says he told her, “You know we’re going to have an affair, don’t you?” Several former teen pageant contestants said Trump walked in on them while they were naked or partially dressed.

    The upshot: Trump denies all of the allegations. In the sexual-assault cases, Trump faces the difficulty that he in some cases bragged openly about just the behavior of which he has accused—whether grabbing or forcibly kissing. Trump has demanded a retraction from the Times, and has threatened to sue several outlets. The paper, in a letter, refused. A woman who brought a rape case against Trump (twice) withdrew her suit in November, but in January, Summer Zervos sued Trump for defamation, after he labeled her claims of sexual assault false.

    Condo shenanigans
    Where and when: New York, Florida, Mexico, mid-2000s

    The dirt: Trump was heavily involved in condo hotels, a pre-real-estate crash fixation in which people would buy units that they’d only use for a portion of the year. The rest of the time, the units would be rented out as hotel rooms, with the developer and the owner sharing the profit. For a variety of reasons, condo hotels turned out to be a terrible idea. The result has been a slew of lawsuits by condo buyers who claim they were bilked. Central to many of these is the question of what Trump’s role in the projects was. In recent years, Trump has often essentially sold his name rights to developers—he gets a payoff, and they get the aura of luxury his name imparts. But in some of the condo-hotel suits, buyers complain that they bought the properties as investments because of his imprimatur, only to realize he was barely involved. (Similar complaints have been made about his involvement in a multilevel marketing scheme.)

    The upshot: In the case of Trump SoHo, in Manhattan, Trump’s partners turned out to have a lengthy criminal past. Trump said he didn’t know that, but—atypically—settled a lawsuit with buyers (while, typically, not admitting any wrongdoing). Another, Trump International Hotel & Tower Fort Lauderdale, went into foreclosure, and Trump has sued the complex’s developer. In 2013, he settled a suit with prospective buyers who lost millions when a development in Baja Mexico went under. Trump blamed the developers again, saying he had only licensed his name.

    Buying Up His Own Books
    Where and when: various, 2016

    The dirt: The Daily Beast noticed in FEC filings that the Trump campaign spent more than $55,000 buying his own book Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again. (The book has since been retitled Great Again: How to Fix Our Crippled America for the paperback edition.) That means Trump used donor money to his campaign to buy a book, sending the cash back to himself. Copies were given to delegates at the Republican National Convention.

    The upshot: The maneuver could break FEC rules, campaign expert Paul S. Ryan told the Beast: “It’s fine for a candidate’s book to be purchased by his committee, but it’s impermissible to receive royalties from the publisher... There’s a well established precedent from the FEC that funds from the campaign account can’t end up in your own pocket.” The Huffington Post also noticed that Trump jacked up rent for campaign offices when he stopped funding his own campaign.


















    Sunday, July 2, 2017

    Meanwhile at the Whitehouse

    New York post Page 6
    FORMER PRESIDENTS DINE TOGETHER
    Michelle and ex president Barack Obama dined at the Four Seasons Restaurant in NYC yesterday evening with former president Jimmy Carter. 
    The Obamas had a roast beef dinner with baked potatoes and string beans, Jimmy had  chop beef cooked in peanut butter sauce.
    The group then….


    The orange haired manbaby throws down his newspaper in a rage.
    "WTF, Kellyanne, Sarah, do something about this. Hand me my phone.”

    TWEET: Four season food bad, very bad .  The Kenyan got food poisoning. Very bad food. Run, spot, run. U 2 Kenyan. (SEND)
    "Whew, I feel better now.” 

    Oh, oh...I better do it again.
    TWEET food bad @4seasons, owner deserves facepunch. Lol!
    I will pay lawyers...(SEND)

    "Oh wow! Again!"
    TWEET: Jimmy the peanut boy got very sick. Tainted beef! Executive order time.(SEND)

    "Kellyanne, no beef to NYC, tainted. Very, very bad. Real bad. Bad. Effective immediately. EXECUTIVE ORDER!

    "Sarah? What?"
    "They did not report anyone sick at the Four Seasona last night or ever, your highness."

    "What...ever!"
    "And what exactly is your point Sarah? And Sarah, lose some weight. You look like a balloon in the Macy's thanksgiving day parade; now help me out of bed.  It is almost 6am.  And tell Kellyanne to put on a few pounds she looks like a starved corpse."
    "Where's Melissa?"
    "Do you mean Melonous, I mean, Melania or whatever her name is?"
    "Yeah, that's the one. Where is she?" 
    "You sent her to Europe to visit an uncle Vlad...?"
    "Vlad?...oh...yeah, I did. He's a real bully.  He is such a liar. Very big liar. Maybe she can get him to stop. She knows about abuse for sure. That's right in her wheelchair."
    "Don't you mean wheelhouse, your highness?"
    “Yeah...what...ever!" I don’t want to talk about that Kenyan Muslim any more either.”
    Mumblings. “I know about the fake birth certificate.”

    "Hmmm, I think I will name my uncle Marty the secretary of the Navy. I think he owned a kayak once. Ummm...what day did you say Madonna would be home and is Burford with her?"
    "Do you mean Melania and Baron?"
    "Barren? I am as fertile as I ever was. I produced Woody or Burford didn't I? So which one did she take to India? Woody or Burford?"
    "Baron, sir."
    "And she left the other two at home? THE BITCH!  When she gets home I will punch her in the face ten times just like I did to Anderson Cooper."
    "Sir, you didn't punch Anderson Cooper in the face and you only have one son living at home or some place nearby."
    "Oh... what happened to poor little Burford and Woody?"
    Sarah fidgets and then smiles.
    "They are at Military prep school, sir.  Just like the one you attended.
    They are doing very well."
    "Ah...yes. Wish them a Merry Christmas. I rarely see them. Very nice kids. Very nice.  I know it's only June but, you know, golf, twittering, saving the world.  Not much time."

    "Now if you will excuse me I have to go wrap Christmas presents or something. Somebody should be fired today.Who's left at the FBI?"