Monday, April 2, 2012

CASE STUDY: The current job market is hell in Vegas.

Transcript of interview of an unskilled/semiskilled laborer

Resume Review: Jesus is a single 33 year home schooled individual.  He was born in the little town of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and grew up in nearby Nazareth PA. He has a spotty work history. He has worked with his father as a carpenter's assistant. He was given a battery of aptitude and psychological test.  He tested high for carpentry ability but it is noted that he has an strong aversion for hammers and nail, especially spikes.  He tested highly in the food preparation field.  When tested with a box of Pillsbury biscuit mix and a dozen eggs, he made enough biscuits to serve one hundred and thirty four people.
He has high leadership and verbal skills.  He has eleven friends...oops, make that twelve...waiting for him in the lobby.  They seem to follow him around and take note of everything he says.
Eleven of them have MacBooks and one has a Dell laptop.  The Dell guy seems to be mumbling a lot.

The Interview: Human Resource Representative (HR) , Seamus Sen Gupta

HR: "Please be seated, Jesus" (pronounced hay-soos)
Jesus: "That would be Jesus, Jee-sus, Sir."
HR: "I see.  I noticed on your application you did not put down a middle name or initial."
Jesus: "My middle name is Aich, which means savior in Aramaic, but people think I am saying H, so I left it blank."
HR: " I noticed some rather large gaps in your work history.  What have you been doing since your eighteenth birthday?  I see nothing for the last fourteen years.
Jesus: "Missionary work."
HR: "Are you one of those Mormons, or a Jehovah Witness? Which one?"
Jesus: "Neither, I am a Jewish Christian."
HR: "As Doctor Phil would say, How's that working for you?"
Jesus: " Well, not so bad. When I moved to Vegas things improved quickly.  I found a very nice homeless shelter. I then sent my friends, Peter and Paul to the Flamingo Hotel roulette table and told them to bet on red 7.Ummm...We are now set for the next year.
I am not in a homeless shelter any more."
HR: "I see here that you now own a car but you do not own a driver's license or insurance. What's up with that?"
Jesus: "I have faith in my driving skills.  No accidents since the time I let Judah drive my car.  He got a DWI and a summons for resisting."  
HR: "It's kind of dangerous behavior, Jesus(hay soos)"....thought bubble (who does this guy think he is? Steve Job?)
Jesus: "That's Jee-sus, not hay..soos."
HR: "I see that your IQ scores are off the charts,  your psychological profile indicates that you have a messiah complex or a Steve job complex.  You are prone to defying authority figures and you tend to be preachy and self righteous  Have you ever thought of getting into politics?"
Jesus: "I didn't think that politics and religion mixed until this year.  I been listening to Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Rich Perry and the Pope and I stand corrected.  I may try politics later, but I don't think my dad wants me to get involved."
HR: "Your dad? He is very important in your life,eh? His name is Joseph?"
Jesus: "He's my adopted dad.  My real dad is in heaven. Umm, my mother is a virgin."(oops...maybe I should not have mentioned that.)
HR: "Say What?"
Jesus: "Nothing."
HR: "Well, hay-soos, I have an entry level job as a clerk/cook at a bakery. Would you like to give it a try. It is the Mt. Sinai Bakery and coffee shop. It is a neat little hippie place that has great pastry and a wonderful mocha cappuccino."
Jesus: sure, it sounds wonderful.  I will give it a try. The name is Jee-sus, sir."
HR: "Here is the address and referral for the job, and don't wear those sandals to the job interview."
Jesus: "Gracias, amigo and Adios."
HR: "No problem, Jesus..huh?.....what?....I knew it, I knew it. Hay-soos."

1 comment:

  1. I guess it's okay. As long as he doesn't wear that cloak with the hood... (ahem)