Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Life is not fair. In fact it is kind of hairy.

Once again I realize life is not fair. (see photo) 
If I walk around town with this hair style I would be sent to a nursing home, restrained and medicated heavily  and deservedly so, I might add.
Some mornings I get out of  bed, walk to the mirror, look at my hair and cringe.
I spend the next fifteen or twenty minutes combing, brushing, wetting it down, trying to find the part, try to make it straight.
I am glad my hair is only about a half inch long on top. 
I move down to my eyebrows.
My eyebrows grow faster than the hair on my head and they have no idea which direction to grow.
I often comment about Andy Rooney's eyebrows. I make comments like, "Doesn't he have a mirror or a friend?" 
The thing is, Andy knows about his eyebrows. It is one of his signature features.
I was clueless. This is often the case with me.
One Sunday night after Sixty Minutes and several eyebrow comments my wife said something about people with glass houses should not throw rocks, whatever that means.
I also have hairy ears.  I am thinking of getting my ears waxed.
My nose seems to have issues . strange hair growth there too.
I tried to grow a mustache once. bad idea. I looked like Hitler.  That was not the look I was going for. People were either staring at me or giving me one of those funny salutes.
I also tried a beard. After five weeks I gave up.  It looked like I had the mange. Maybe I did.
The weird thing is I have almost no hair on my chest. 
The last time I counted there were five.  I had six.  one fell off.  I saved it. 
I think it is a chest hair.  I think it is mine.

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