Excuse me....I will just sit here and age quietly, if that's Ok with you.

I decided not to go quietly!!!

I am starting a support group.

It seems obvious to me that these young whippersnappers (people under 60) are conspiring against us. They are changing everything I care about. I want everything to be like the late 50's.

These revisionist must be democrats. A Tea Party Republican would like to return us to the year 1773. (The year of the original tea party.) A moderate Republican would return us to 1957. A year when everything was perfect. (If you had white skin!)

Eisenhower was president. Everything was under control.

School was wonderful. Does anyone remember the nuclear fire drills. The area I lived in was 50 miles from a SAC base, which was surrounded by missile bases with atomic warheads. Would this area be a target? Oh, We wouldn't get a direct hit. We would have the slow lingering death. but crawling under my desk was very comforting.

The male teachers wore suits and neckties...except the gym coach. The teachers could beat you up, hit you with heavy wooden objects (my sixth grade teacher did that) or shoot projectiles at you. (my fourth grade teacher did that.), put a dunce cap on you and sit you in a corner. (all my teachers did that.) I went through elementary school thinking I had a pointed head. I got out of the corner long enough in sixth grade to realize I had a vision problem.

I often tell people that fourth grade was the best three years of my life. You get to meet new girls every year. I was older and more "worldly and sophisticated".

No one left behind? hah, If you didn't repeat a grade at my school you were considered a genius.

I was in Kindergarten twice.

Things have changed.

YOU ARE OLD IF.......

• You remember the ugly gym uniforms that girls wore. (ouch!!!)
• It took five minutes for the TV to warm up and it looked like a snow storm.
• The stations were not on 24/7. I should say station. Not plural.
• On Saturday morning you would leave your house at 830 AM with a sandwich and fifteen cents, a baseball bat and glove, play baseball for 8 hours, and return home at 4 PM for supper. your mother knew where you were. She called 954j2 and said send little Jonathan home. It is time for supper.
• Yes, the phone numbers were strange. no dials on the phone...It was just like the Andy Griffith Show. (Sarah, Could you get me Aunt Bee?....Sarah, Could you get me Juanita at the Diner?...or you just gave the strange numbers...When dials came along, the numbers always started with WIlson 9-4578.
• Another strange thing about the phones: Party lines!!! You had to share the line with some one else. If you pick up the phone and somebody is talking, you could either listen, hang up, or tell them to get off the line.
• The houses had one bathroom. Time and bowel management was a must. All personal hygiene things were in one room. Ironically...our house has two and a half bathroom. Even the cat has a bathroom. Wilson thinks the toilet is his personal drinking area. He thinks it is tastier out of the toilet.
• The person who designed the bathroom in our new house did not have a realistic grasp of toilet usage. I have a vanity that is about 7 feet long with a sink, but the toilet and tub/shower are in a very small space. The space is so small that you can't take a #2 with comfort. Maybe a one and five eighths, but #2....No!! It is so small that when I get out of the shower I have to stand in the toilet to open the bathroom door.
• Do you know who Dale Evans is? What was her horses name? If you know this you are older than dirt.
• You have chewed Blackjack, Clove or Teaberry gum? NOTE: I have found a place where you can still buy this and jujubees too.
• The worse things you could get from the opposite sex was a cold or flu.
• Hitchhiking was not dangerous.
• If you weren't smart enough to pass your grade, you repeated it.
• If you weren't good enough to make the baseball team, too bad for you. Find something you could do well.
• September 24th, 1960...A day that will live in infamy. Howdy Doody went off the air. Will there ever be anything worth watching on TV again? (sniff..sniff....Dick Who?...Dick Clark?...American Bandstand...? Justine Corelli and Bob Clayton?...Goodbye Howdy....Helloooooo Justine!!!
• I still get misty eyed when I watch a couple do the jitterbug, when I hear the Platters sing "Only You", an aqua green and white 57 Chevy pass me by, I burst into tears when I see a bug eyed Austin Healy Sprite. (my first car).
• We had "Friday Night Lights.....in the 50's, not many high school teams did. It is a tradition that continues. It is something I miss very much.
• Now if you will excuse me, I have to go rate a record on American Bandstand....Hmmm.....It's got a good beat, but I am having trouble dancing to it. What is the name of that song? Ambrose...Part 5. Am I the only one that remembers that song?...Song?
• This week I have seen a lot of butt cleavage. The weird thing is that It was all female butt cleavage. It wasn't the plumber guy 38DD butt cleavage. No, It was the 32B female butt cleavage. When I grew up, only Tradesmen with beer bellies and Levi low riders would show butt cleavage. My wife says, "Wow, How things have changed." I just said, "yeah." I hope she didn't notice the big smile on my face.