Tuesday, August 10, 2010

People Like me, they really do!

My internet friends

I have been kind of busy lately. I am trying to catch up on my email. unlike some people I answer all my email.

Well, let's see what we have here:
I have another letter from my friend, Mikey. He lives in Nigeria. His real name is Barrister Michael Okubu. We are pen pals. email pen pals.
He has a very important job over there. He gives Americans money. He just needs a little help from me. Money for postage, envelopes, paper clips, internet connections, guns,...guns?
He tells me that my last check was confiscated by crooked officials of the US government and should send another check for $1500. He insist on a cashiers check this time.

My next email is from Tiffany Titetush. She is asking me if I would like a breast enhancement.
No thanks, Tiffany! I noticed mine were getting larger with age. I might be interested in a manbra.

My next email is from my friend, Newton Goosebee.
He hasn't ask me a question in six years. He just sends "forwards". this is one of those chain letters. If I don't forward it with 20 names added, either a penis will grow out of my forehead or 5 Jehovah Witnesses will try to get me to subscribe to Watchtower.
This is considered communication in his world, He also included 150 of his closest friends in his email. I hope none of his friends are ill....and have.....A VIRUS!!!!!
Maybe I will forward this on. I am not interested in religious material. SENT!!!!!

My next email is from Bink off Amerika. Wow! They made a few mistakes on their email. The must have a new employee.
Well anyway.....They want me to verify my social security number and my bank account number to make sure it is correct. Then they will tell me that it has been verified..........Okey....dokey............DONE!!!

The next email is from Tea Party. They would like a contribution to the "Replace Sarah Palin with Tina Fey" committee. Yes....I believe I will contribute to that.

My next email is also from the Tea Party. They would like me to contribute to the "Send Obama back to his homeland" committee. This group emails me every day.

My next email is once again from the Tea Party. It is a news letter. They would like everyone over sixty two to be executed unless they are employed. (delete)

The next one is from a colon cleansing company. They do house calls. The company is called "Friend or enema?". catchy...but I will pass...I mean...decline.

The next email is from the "National Do not call Registry". Now they are emailing me. I had to get a restraining order to get them to stop calling me. They would call and say, " Are you happy with our service? Could you do a survey? It will only take 45 minutes." I did the survey every day for a week. enough is enough. Now they want me to do a survey on line.

Next email...I have been chosen to be a secret shopper.

Next email is from the "Free Lindsay Lohan Committee." They want money.

Everybody just wants to enrich me and make me all better. I have so many internet friends.
I am moved to tears.

OH! Do I hear the door bell.
Yes...I do!
Be right back..........I'm back!!!
Wow!...What a deal I just made with a couple of guys. They are going to paint my house and blacktop my driveway for $800 cash. I just gave them the money. They are getting their tools.

Hmmm! They started up their truck. Of course...They would have to move it out of the driveway. They are going to park it beside the road.

Hmmm! They don't have to park it that far away. That will certainly be a long walk back for them.
Hey, They are out of sight.

I stood there and waved goodbye to $800.

I think I will go back to my internet email. At least I will be doing business with people I trust.


  1. My email is tame compared to yours. I get offers from the Canadian pharmacies.


  2. And to think all I ever get is an offer to grow three inches.

  3. I got an email about some chest of gold that was waiting for me in customs down in Florida.

  4. I'm hurt to realize that Okubu is negotiating with you too. I guess he doesn't love me any more.

  5. I am honored to be the chosen one. Let's not get involved in a bidding war with Mikey.

  6. I consider myself the chosen one, to be married to this crazy guy. You and Wilson give me laughter every day!

  7. I know exactly what you're saying. I keep getting invites for dates from facebook. I haven't got a clue who these guys are or the women either for that matter. The other day I decided to click on one of the emails and here is a picture of the most handsome young man I've ever laid eyes on. And I'm wondering to myself what in God's name does he want with me.

    Then I got the nastiest idea.....What if I were to send him back an email with a full length nude of me at 56 in all my glorious wonder with a caption, "I'm ready for ya Ricky". With my luck it would go viral and I'd be the most popular woman in all of Elliot Lake. Hmmmmmmm.