Saturday, January 9, 2010

Colt Brandisher, Detective....problem solver!

Chapter 1

Colt heard the cacophonous sounds of tree frogs croaking their maudlin symphony as the leaden projectile zoomed towards his head. Ironic, he thought. he would be croaking very shortly also. The high functioning brain that currently had the appearance of freshly cooked cauliflower would soon resemble half cooked turnip, perhaps mash potatoes, but certainly not cauliflower.
Colt thought of frogs. He liked frog legs. He would not have a chance to eat them again.
In fact, they would probably be feasting on his legs very soon.
"What!!!!...why am I thinking about food? I am milliseconds from death."

They say your life passes in front of you when death is imminent. Colt's life did pass in front of him. It was a boring life. He had some time left so he started thinking about food.

Wife: "How is your great American detective, Colt Brandisher doing?"
Me: Ummmmm!...Hmmmm!....Oh, oh!
Me:" This is not good. I think I have killed him in the opening paragraph."
Wife: "He must have been a crappy detective. God rest his soul."
Me:" No, No!!!! He was great. A wonderful man. A great detective."
Wife: "Well, You wrote it, you can change it."
Me: (horrified) "I will not compromise my artistic integrity. What you suggest is just not possible."
Wife: "Alrighty then!!!!!"
(Mumbling going on...mixed in with a few curse words..more mumbling)

Wife: "Let me have a look at what you have written. Perhaps all is not lost."
Wife: "Bzzzz..mumble..bzzzz..mumble...HAH! all is not lost. This prose could be entered into a worst writing contest. Perhaps the Bulwer Lytton fiction contest for the worst opening line. You may actually get published."
I ran to my room and threw myself on the bed and started weeping shamelessly into my goose down pillow.

I must come up with a solution. (sniff!...sniff!)
perhaps Colt will have to die....but I could work his life backwards from that spot.
a review of his life....or he could have an "oddjob" hat, like the villain in "Goldfinger".
He had a metal band in hat brim. a bullet could ricochet off the hat......or Colt could have a metal plate in his head from a previous incident. another ricochet solution.
Yes, I am a problem solver!!!!
Perhaps someone could suggest a solution.


  1. I think it's a fine story. So quit your snivelin'. :-) Maybe a Leinie's would help?

  2. I almost hate to suggest this because it is so clich├ęd... but it could be a dream or a daydream, couldn't it? Either that or have him trip and fall over something as he backs away, and have the bullet go over him and kill some mysterious bystander?

    :: mingling ::