The day I saw Jesus

When my wife and I go shopping we never know what or who we are going to see. We saw a celebrity the other day. At least I believe I saw a celebrity. My wife is not so sure.

I probably should trust her judgement but I do not see famous people very often so I was all excited and irrational.

It all happened when we went to the supermarket. As we walked out I saw a nice looking SUV parked illegally in the fire lane in front of the store. I looked down at the license plate and It said Jesus. I said to myself, "He's back!" I couldn't really see in the windows because they were tinted. I believe I saw some movement in the back seat.

I was going to pound on the back window and ask for an autograph but before I could actually do it a dark skinned person came out, got into the driver seat and started to drive away. My wife says the guy was African-American, I say he was middle eastern.

I told my wife that I had to get an autograph. An autograph by Jesus would bring a good amount on EBay. We hopped into the car and started following Jesus. He started heading north. My wife insisted that is not Jesus. I said that it was him in the back seat and the middle eastern guy was his chauffeur. My wife asked why he was driving a gray Toyota SUV with North Carolina license plates in the back. "dependable vehicle" was my answer. My wife insisted that he should be driving a Honda if he wanted dependability.

We lost him several times in traffic and we had to speed to catch up with him. At one point we pulled along side the vehicle and I held up a pencil and waved it at the Toyota. The Toyota took off like a bullet. The way the chauffeur was driving it was a .....miracle...miracle?....miracle that he didn't get in an accident.

I was pulled over by the North Carolina State Police just before we reached Wilmington.

He asked me what I thought I was doing. I told him I was trying to get Jesus's autograph.

I was ticketed for speeding, stalking with a vehicle. I will be arraigned after a psychiatric evaluations.

I was told that I was chasing a black Baptist minister from Charlotte, North Carolina.

I don't believe them. Do not confuse me with facts. I have my mind made up.