Thursday, August 13, 2009

The big Makeover


Alas, I must confess, my hair is not really platinum blond. Perhaps it is really " getting gray". I hate to admit I won't.
My wife sees my hair completely different than I see my hair. I look into the mirror and I see "some" gray hair. She sees a guy with white hair with streaks of gray. I say there is some brown there. She says something about a river. Something like "the Nile is not only a river". What does that mean? Why do French people always pronounce "the" like "de".
Last spring I went to get a haircut at a barber school. I asked them to cut the gray out of my hair the best they could. They shaved my head. That should have been a hint.
This spring my wife suggested that it might be wise for me to go to the fitness Center and start working out. "Me?" I was mystified. I am in my 60's and in grape shape. My nasty rejoinder to her statement was, " I have the body of a 25 year old man, I'll have you know." Her answer was, " well, you better get it back to the mortician before he discovers it's missing."
I must confess that my body does have a few shortcomings. Or is it just in my head?
My wife says, "No, it's everywhere."
That wasn't what I was asking. I meant; is it mental?
At one time, my glasses were so thick and heavy that if I hadn't got the ultra thin lenses I would be wearing a neck brace just to hold my head up.
At one time I tried to grow a mustache and I ended up looking like Hitler. I also had my head shaved. I looked like Mussolini. I don't look good with the pre-1950 fascist nazi look. This is not the image I was striving for.
I have been investigating the possibility of a make over. I went to one beauty shop and I showed them a picture of Clint Eastwood when he 60ish. I asked if they could make me look like that. They said, "Sure, We will get the mask from Spencer's and we will get the wood for the stilts from Home Depot." I was not amused.
Perhaps it isn't to late for a makeover. This can be fixed. I mean, I don't scare children, women do not shudder, men don't look at me with pity in their eyes. Cats do tend to hiss and run at me sideways and pekingese dogs bark at me endlessly. Other than that....I'm good!