Smoke gets in your eyes

Today is Wednesday.  We slept very well last night.

Sunday night and early Monday morning....not so good.
At 3 AM Monday morning the fire alarm went off in our building.
Huh! We thought ... Some wise guy pulled the smoke alarm in the building or somebody left something burning on the stove.
I got up and walked to the front door of our apartment, opened the door and looked out.  It smelled a little strange, like burning plastic.  It was not a strong smell.
I turned to the little French lady. She was on the phone with the doorman, who told her it was not a false alarm. We needed to walk down the stairs to the ground floor.
Yikes, twenty floors down?....Yup.
We got dressed quickly but warmly, thinking we might have to go outside.
When we walked out our front door the smell was noticeably stronger and there was some smoke in the hallway, which  got stronger as we descended the stairs.
We shuffled along with numerous other tenants.  No one was talking. No one was panicking. It was an orderly descent. Impressive!
As we passed the stairway door for the 10th floor, I glanced at the window to the hallway.  It was black with smoke and the odor of smoke was strong.  On our way to the ground floor we saw a few people who seemed to have had less time to prepare than we did. Perhaps they were closer to the fire then we were. One man was wearing only a bathrobe and slippers, no pants, no socks. A woman looked sad and was holding a baby. We felt that we were lucky.
From our floor to the ground, it took us about 4 minutes to get to the ground floor where we exited a side door and crossed the street, where we looked up at our building.

Wow, this is pretty serious.  We could see one apartment had a very bright orange glow. The flames were  leaping out the window and trying to make their way up to the apartment above.   To the left of the burning apartment I could see someone who  was trapped on the balcony, and had no way to exit the apartment.

We watched the ladder trucks get into position to rescue the stranded tenant.  We watched as the firemen worked.  They had the fire out in a few minutes.  Clouds of black smoke billowed out the windows.
We decided to go to McDonalds, which is in the mall across the street from our building and is open 24-7.
I believe they had their best night ever.  It was busy!

We stayed there for about one hour before we decided to check how things were going.  Things were much better.  The firemen still were not allowing people in the building.  We decided to go to Moe's.
We heard that in its heyday Moe's was a pretty good place to eat. Not so much anymore.  The coffee tasted like it spent the whole night brewing. Yuck!
We stayed there for about one hour, and then we went back to our building.  The lobby was now open for business.  We got back to our apartment around seven in the morning.

It was a nasty little fire.  I have never seen so many fire trucks without a parade.

fire atwater

Fire ladders on outside of building.
note: At 1:45 to 2:00 you can see fire good,
upper right.

Hereis how the situation lokks like today:

• The 10th floor is now totally empty.
• The building smells very smokey.
• Five people suffered smoke and minor burns.
• We heard that a new tenant had moved in to the apartment building on Sunday afternoon,  onto the tenth floor. Sadly for him, the tenth floor is uninhabitable right now.  He was  crying in the laundry room yesterday.  I would be too.  It must be so  be devastating.
• The good news is: The building is cement and very solid. The fire did not have a good chance of spreading very far.  Good fire doors.  All the doors are metal. The floors and walls are cement.  In fact, the apartment next to the fire doesn't  show much damage. However, most of the furniture contained in the apartment where the fire started melted. Total destruction.
• The fire department did a great job. They were very efficient.

black soot and plywood on front of building.  

Yesterday was a mess.  Today repairs 10th floor.

10th floor hall being repaired.

Life is back to normal for us.  The 18 apartments on the 10th floor, not so much.

To Be...or not to be...me.

My Yearly Identity Crisis

I would like this to be my new Facebook picture.
Thanks...Clint.

2012 was a quiet year at the Hemlock Residence. The reason for this is my name is not really Hemlock.  Jonathan Hemlock is the name of a character in a Trevanian novel, “the Eiger Sanction.”  
Pretty cool guy.   He is very much like me.   

He is a connoisseur of Art.  He owns a few post impressionist Gauguins and Cezannes paintings.  I have a poster of “Le chat noir”.   I consider that art.

He listens to classical music.   
I listen to Mozart for the “Mozart effect”.   If you listen to Mozart every day it will raise your IQ by 10 points.  That means about  twenty five percent for me.  It is also supposed to lower my blood pressure.
I actually prefer DooWop music.

That’s about it for similarities. Oh….Did I mention my striking resemblance to Clint Eastwood?

This whole Hemlock charade is starting to get old and boring.  I need to make my life more exciting.
The solution came to me the other night while I was watching MTV, hoping to hear some DooWop.
The Little French Lady found a program called “Catfish” and we started watching it religiously.

Meow!

The Urban Dictionary defines Catfish as someone who pretends to be someone they’re not, using Facebook or other social media to create  false identity,  particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

I thought this would be an absolutely wonderful idea.  My wife would prefer that I be an online troll. I wonder why …. 

You would be cranky too if your testicles were gone.

The Urban Dictionary defines a troll as one who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing the maximum disruption and argument.

I am leaning towards Catfish,  My wife is still leaning heavily towards the mythical troll.  Trolls are ugly and slow witted.  She thinks it would be a better fit for my personality.  She is also frowning on me having an online romance.

I have been trying to explain to the little French Lady that I will not be having an online romance, the other person will.   I will just be the fuel that keeps stoking the fake romance.  

I haven’t decided what gender I will be.  If I am a guy I will be leaning towards Will Dicker for the obvious ambiguity of the name.  If I am going to be female I am leaning towards Nia Eve Silurefaux (Naive Catfish fake).  That’s a sexy french name.

I am personally partial to being a girl.  I have never been one.  It  would be different.  My wife could be a consultant on this project.  She knows a lot about being a woman. She’s been one for quite a while.
I have mixed feelings about being a girl.  Guys will be trying to get into my pants.  This stuff I know about. I used to be a guy once.

On the other hand, I could pretend to be a guy.   I do have some experience at this.  In my younger days many woman told me I was not good at it but I have improved with age.  I could revisit the experience and act like a real man this time. 
Definitely something to think about.

I suppose the democratic thing to do is to take a vote or at the very lease take some suggestions.

  

My brother. a polluted gene pool.

1. Should I be a “troll or Catfish?”
2. Should I be a guy or a girl?
3. What should my persona be? Should I be a professional Harp player?
4. What is my personal description? How tall, eye color, etc,

Picture profile for Facebook: Help me decide.

Please help me decide.  All suggestions will be considered.

The day of the Great Redemption!

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

The world came to an end yesterday so I'm not doing much.  I am just standing in line waiting like everyone else.  

Oh...wait a minute.  I thought I was in line for the "Great Redemption" but it is the Walmart customer service line.  This is what Dante referred to as " The first circle  of hell" , I'm guessing.

I am destined to carry around these empty bottles and cans for eternity.   The line seems pretty long and the clerk used to work for the DMV.
 I thought the end of the world would be a more metaphysical and religious experience.  It seems to be more commercial than I had expected.  
I will grab my bible, drop it face down on the pavement and see what page it lands on.

"Wow!"

Leviticus 25:25
"If your brother becomes poor and sells part of his property, then his nearest redeemer shall come and redeem what his brother has sold."

Leviticus and my brother teaming up again, lusting after my cans!
How did they get involved in this transaction? 
Could this be the the second circle of Hell?
I know my brother has a lot of diet Pepsi cans he wants to redeem.

Hmmm! Recycling is Hell. (Perhaps the third circle of Hell).

What if Dante had it basically right?  
Every time I go to Walmart I feel like I am in Limbo.

Perhaps I am overthinking this.
"Nahhhh!"

IS IT OVER YET?

Today is the last day.  12/21/12

It looks very much like yesterday.  Hmmm....perhaps I should not have given away all of our money and furniture. 

The little French lady is sitting on the couch.  She has packed her laptop, favorite pillow and a picture of Wilson.  I am not sure where she is going.  She is dressed casually but eclectically.  I am wearing a hoodie and sneakers.   She told me to get some pants on.  This whole thing seems like a lot of work.

Just end already!!!!  

WHAT WAS THAT?

False alarm.  The snowplow just put down its blade.  It made big noise.

WHAT WAS THAT?

Oh....It was the guy upstairs dragging a chair across the floor.  I am a little jumpy right now.

WHAT WAS THAT?

Hmmm....It was just a city bus going by the building.  

I should try to relax. Every time I hear a noise, I think that the world..............

His spirit dims slowly.

I haven't had much time to write my blog lately.  That has not where my mind has been.

I smell......me!  (Wilson weighed 9 pounds when this picture was taken in October 2011)

Our cat Wilson's health has started to fail recently.   It has been almost a full time job nursing him along to good health.  Our efforts do not seem to be helping him much.  This is a cat who once weighed nineteen pounds.  He now weighs six pounds. He is not eating well.  We give him all kinds of medications.  He just stays in an area in our kitchen that is about 2 ft by 3 ft.  His litter box is there, his cushion is there  and his food is there.   This has become his life.

The vet doesn't know what is really wrong with him.   One thing we do know for sure is that he has hyperthyroidism. we were also told that he may have a tumor and kidney failure.  A few more tests, a lot more dollars and the vet might be able to tell us tell us for more. This is our situation.

The little french lady and I came to a decision on Saturday.  We decided to treat him only for his hyperthyroidism.  This is the only problem we know he has with certainty.  It would be cruel to stop treating him for that, because he would be constantly obsessing about food without any relief.   The other problems.......well... if he has them, it is basically a death sentence for him.  If he doesn't have a tumor or kidney failure  he will live on for a while.

We are both heartbroken watching how our little companion's life has changed.  His quality of life has diminished significantly in the last six weeks.  We are trying to make his life more comfortable in his final days, if they are his final days.

He has made me laugh every day for sixteen years.  He has has been a wonderful companion for the little french lady and myself.  He has a huge personality and spirit.   His spirit dims slowly.

This is a photo of Wilson in September 2005. He weighed 19 lbs at the time.  He  pushed his yellow food dish from the other side of the kitchen into the living room.  He nudged it with his nose.  He had to go around a counter, over the rug  and over that small hump in the doorway.  He looks worried.  "We noticed you, Wilson."

Note: Our little friend of 16 years passed away Tuesday evening 10/09/2012.   We are sad.  His spirit lives on in our heart.

I added a short little movie of Wilson.   He was a charmer.

Knowledge Quest

Recently I have been much more philosophical and I have gone on a knowledge quest.  The idea kinda fermented in my brain after reading A. J. Jacobs’ book “The Know-it-all”, one man’s humble quest to become the smartest man in the world.  He read the encyclopedia from A to Z.

I wanted to read the Encyclopedia also.
My wife says this is a bad idea since I usually fall asleep while reading.  If  A to AK falls on my face it could do some serious damage to me physically. That’s my opinion. My wife, the little French lady, says that an anvil could fall on my face and nobody would probably notice. 
It is also difficult to carry around 26 volumes (50 pounds) of books in my backpack. Did you know the legendary lover, Casanova ended his life as a Librarian?
I decided to take a shortcut and read A.J.’s book instead.

A. J. Jacobs read the Encyclopedia Britannica from  A to Z in the belief that this would make him the smartest person in the world. He did this while he was working as Editor-at-large for Esquire magazine.  
His work did not make him much smarter: He retained a whole lot of useless information that he would try to interject into an otherwise intelligent conversation.  I have done the same thing on numerous occasions.  There were a few times where my intervention was met with cold silence and a somewhat hostile glare. 
Did you know that there are 108 double stitches on a baseball?  This bit of information does not go over well when two baseball fans are arguing over whether Mickey or Willy was the best ballplayer.  

Sadly there is much stuff in my head that should be put in the “inactive “ file but I just won’t let it go.  Did you know that the USS Indianapolis was actually sunk by the Japanese after the War was over?  It’s true.

Anyway….I have all this stuff in my head.  Yes, I am a fact hoarder.  A trivia buff.  

Someone will be coming to the house this afternoon for an intervention.  He is  the “Trivia Whisperer”.  I have a bunch of facts I can mentally download onto his virtual hard drive.(brain)

The theory is this will give my useless information a use and therefore opening up some new space in my brain for practical purposes. He  also will do a maneuver called “brain cleansing”.

The doorbell is ringing. He’s here.
***************************************
I’m back.  It went well.
One of the exercises was to write down my trivia questions and put them in an envelope and after an hour,    kiss the envelope and put it into the document shredder. We did this for five hours straight.  I believe I am cured. But he left the help line number and a twelve step program.

hmmm….I just received an email. I will check it out.

huh!  One of my “friends” just flushed me off his Facebook page.
I sent him a personal message. I called him “An Abalone’s butt.”

Did you know that an Abalone has five a$$holes? 

So I called him an a$$hole to the fifth power.
A powerful rejoinder.

OMG! What did I do with my helpline number?

I beg of you (and many others)

Adjusting to your environment

Montreal!! I love this place.  I have the good fortune of living in an area of the city where people are bilingual.  I have not encountered any major language problems.  If someone speaks to me in French,  I just looked dazed and confused (which I am!) and they start speaking English.

  

My wife, the little French lady, speaks Frenglish.  She can switch languages instantly.

My Frenglish is limited to "Bonjour, ya'll" but I am learning.  In fact, It is one of the reason we moved into this area.  I could learn French at my own pace.  It is also the center of the universe.  It is the only area I have ever seen that has a walk score of 100.

But if you don't feel like walking, the metro is across the street. Nice. But I am puzzled.

Why are there so many panhandlers in Montreal?  The city seems very tolerant of them. We are very tolerant of them. People sometimes get caught up in hard times.  We occasionally help them out.  In fact some of them are quite creative. (see below)

creative!  I gave him a dollar.

cute dog! I gave him a dollar.

creative! I gave this guy a dollar.  My wife gave him $5. (What!!)

My problem is: Sometimes the street people don't respect boundaries.

My wife (the little French lady) and I were eating on the patio (fenced) of  a small restaurant called "SacWich." We saw a couple panhandlers outside. We paid little attention to them.  We were about half way through our meal when one of these panhandlers walked up to us and rattled his cup to another customer while we had his stinking pants bottoms in our face.  Hmmm! That was annoying.  Is this allowed?  I  am a problem solver.

Later that day I had a minor problem with my MacBook and I started thinking that within a year I will probably need a new MacBook Pro. I will merge these two events and come up with a solution.

I will become a panhandler with a gimmick.  Every panhandler needs a gimmick.  I must make up a sign. Let's try this:

Fellow Quebecois!  I am a blogger. I am on a fixed income (retired).  My Macbook has died.  I need to blog.  Please give me as many loonies ($1) and toonies ($2) as you can spare.  These Macbooks aren't cheap.  I will not waste money on things such as food, coffee, beer. (I sure would love a Molson's right now.) 
Here's the deal.
Give me $20 and I will take your picture and it will appear on my blog. (tax deductible?)
$10 smaller picture, $5 even smaller picture, your name mentioned $2 (toonies) size 14 font, $1 (loonie) size 12 font.  

This should get the job done fairly quickly.
Now I must consider wardrobe.
I think I will go with a Hawaiian shirt, Docker slacks, Argyle socks, a pair of Rockport loafers, tortoise shell sunglasses that fit over my bifocals.  I will splash on some Paco Rabanne or Perry Ellis Reserve and hit the road.
Oh, one final touch.  I will bring along one volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica and I will google manually sans computer.  I will only be able to do A to Aq. I cannot bring all thirty volumes. This way they will see what a hardship my life has been since my computer went out of commission.

If this idea doesn't work, I have a back up plan.

PLAN B:I will start talking about the late 50's when I was growing up.  I will drone on about playing little league baseball, my high school English teacher, how smart I was in geography, and I will recite the capitals of every state PLUS all the provinces of Canada.  This will be a wonderful thing. They will be fascinated with my adventure filled life.

I think I will go down to the Library on our street and scout locations.  I will definitely get a more intellectual crowd there.  I see a new Macbook in my future very soon.