Tuesday, December 25, 2012

To Be...or not to be...me.

My Yearly Identity Crisis
I would like this to be my new Facebook picture.

2012 was a quiet year at the Hemlock Residence. The reason for this is my name is not really Hemlock.  Jonathan Hemlock is the name of a character in a Trevanian novel, “the Eiger Sanction.”  
Pretty cool guy.   He is very much like me.   

He is a connoisseur of Art.  He owns a few post impressionist Gauguins and Cezannes paintings.  I have a poster of “Le chat noir”.   I consider that art.

He listens to classical music.   
I listen to Mozart for the “Mozart effect”.   If you listen to Mozart every day it will raise your IQ by 10 points.  That means about  twenty five percent for me.  It is also supposed to lower my blood pressure.
I actually prefer DooWop music.

That’s about it for similarities. Oh….Did I mention my striking resemblance to Clint Eastwood?

This whole Hemlock charade is starting to get old and boring.  I need to make my life more exciting.
The solution came to me the other night while I was watching MTV, hoping to hear some DooWop.
The Little French Lady found a program called “Catfish” and we started watching it religiously.

The Urban Dictionary defines Catfish as someone who pretends to be someone they’re not, using Facebook or other social media to create  false identity,  particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

I thought this would be an absolutely wonderful idea.  My wife would prefer that I be an online troll. I wonder why …. 

You would be cranky too if your testicles were gone.
The Urban Dictionary defines a troll as one who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing the maximum disruption and argument.

I am leaning towards Catfish,  My wife is still leaning heavily towards the mythical troll.  Trolls are ugly and slow witted.  She thinks it would be a better fit for my personality.  She is also frowning on me having an online romance.

I have been trying to explain to the little French Lady that I will not be having an online romance, the other person will.   I will just be the fuel that keeps stoking the fake romance.  

I haven’t decided what gender I will be.  If I am a guy I will be leaning towards Will Dicker for the obvious ambiguity of the name.  If I am going to be female I am leaning towards Nia Eve Silurefaux (Naive Catfish fake).  That’s a sexy french name.

I am personally partial to being a girl.  I have never been one.  It  would be different.  My wife could be a consultant on this project.  She knows a lot about being a woman. She’s been one for quite a while.
I have mixed feelings about being a girl.  Guys will be trying to get into my pants.  This stuff I know about. I used to be a guy once.

On the other hand, I could pretend to be a guy.   I do have some experience at this.  In my younger days many woman told me I was not good at it but I have improved with age.  I could revisit the experience and act like a real man this time. 
Definitely something to think about.

I suppose the democratic thing to do is to take a vote or at the very lease take some suggestions.
My brother. a polluted gene pool.
  1. Should I be a “troll or Catfish?”
  2. Should I be a guy or a girl?
  3. What should my persona be? Should I be a professional Harp player?
  4. What is my personal description? How tall, eye color, etc,
Picture profile for Facebook: Help me decide.

Please help me decide.  All suggestions will be considered.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, c'mon! Even Clint doesn't look like that, not anymore. Isn't that Rowdy Yates?