A Squirrel's Tale (tail?)

Oh nuts!!!!...and fruits!!!!

Leonard and Sheldon are two squirrels who visit my bird feeder on a daily basis. A daily basis? I should say on an hourly basis.

I am at wits end.

I know! I know! A short trip!!!

I have tried everything. They are winning!!!!

They get on my patio, hop up the 3 steps, stand in front of the sliding glass doors and taunt my cat, Wilson. Wilson is furious. He is a bird watcher. They chase the birds away.

They feed hourly at my squirrel proof bird feeder.

I open the sliding doors and they flee. I should say they fly. They are getting really good at this flying thing. I am afraid I am teaching them how to fly. They are flying a good 10-12 feet in the air and clinging to the tree. I am hoping they will make a mistake and not put their furry little heads down, hit their head on the tree and render themselves unconscious. I would put them in a cage and I would taunt them.

sadly, it never happens.

If I sit out on the patio they will sit in the tree and make awful sounds. I assume they are doing the squirrel equivalent to swearing.

I purchased something that has cayenne peppers in it. It is suppose to keep squirrels away from the feeder. Leonard and Sheldon love it but it almost blinded me.

When I was putting it in the "SQUIRREL PROOF BIRD FEEDER", the wind came up and blew it in my eyes, up my nose, in my mouth, all over. At that point I was begging for someone to "just kill me now.....please...please...please". No one did.

I have tinkered with idea of hooking up some electricity to the bird feeder and giving them a shock when they get on the feeder. Somehow I feel that I will be the one getting the shock or the next day they will show up with rubber gloves and wire cutters and destroy my work.

I am starting to feel like Wile E. Coyote.

My neighbor caught a couple of squirrels in humane traps. He took the time to drive them to North Carolina and release them. He should not have stopped for that cup of coffee.

The squirrels were back before he was.

Well at least he didn't end up like my other neighbor, Mary Margaret O'Callahan.

Mary Margaret has started calling herself, Thermodora the Warrior Princess and squirrel slayer.

She wears a thong and a bra, a plastic tiara and a BB gun now.

She shot a squirrel with the BB gun. It didn't do much damage to the squirrel but now she is on a mission. She mumbles, giggles and twitches quite a bit. She walks around the neighborhood in her outfit saying, " Hey squirrel, I got something for ya."

Nobody will report her. The women are afraid of her because she is armed and the men think she is "kinda good lookin".

I can see the road I may be going if I do not revise my thinking.

HMMM!

I have finally decided to make peace with Leonard and Sheldon.

Yes, this will give me peace of mind. I will do this. After all, they are only doing what they were put on this earth to do. I don't want to end up like my neighbors. It is the natural order of life. I should embrace this concept. I should embrace Leonard and Sheldon. Yes, embrace.....(twitch)...them. Embrace them VERY HARD.

Squeeze the life out of them. (twitch)

I must deny these rodentia of MY air, MY space!!!!(hee!hee!)