Thursday, September 2, 2010

A Squirrel's Tale (tail?)

Oh nuts!!!!...and fruits!!!!

Leonard and Sheldon are two squirrels who visit my bird feeder on a daily basis. A daily basis? I should say on an hourly basis.
I am at wits end.
I know! I know! A short trip!!!
I have tried everything. They are winning!!!!
They get on my patio, hop up the 3 steps, stand in front of the sliding glass doors and taunt my cat, Wilson. Wilson is furious. He is a bird watcher. They chase the birds away.
They feed hourly at my squirrel proof bird feeder.
I open the sliding doors and they flee. I should say they fly. They are getting really good at this flying thing. I am afraid I am teaching them how to fly. They are flying a good 10-12 feet in the air and clinging to the tree. I am hoping they will make a mistake and not put their furry little heads down, hit their head on the tree and render themselves unconscious. I would put them in a cage and I would taunt them.
sadly, it never happens.
If I sit out on the patio they will sit in the tree and make awful sounds. I assume they are doing the squirrel equivalent to swearing.
I purchased something that has cayenne peppers in it. It is suppose to keep squirrels away from the feeder. Leonard and Sheldon love it but it almost blinded me.
When I was putting it in the "SQUIRREL PROOF BIRD FEEDER", the wind came up and blew it in my eyes, up my nose, in my mouth, all over. At that point I was begging for someone to "just kill me now.....please...please...please". No one did.

I have tinkered with idea of hooking up some electricity to the bird feeder and giving them a shock when they get on the feeder. Somehow I feel that I will be the one getting the shock or the next day they will show up with rubber gloves and wire cutters and destroy my work.
I am starting to feel like Wile E. Coyote.
My neighbor caught a couple of squirrels in humane traps. He took the time to drive them to North Carolina and release them. He should not have stopped for that cup of coffee.
The squirrels were back before he was.

Well at least he didn't end up like my other neighbor, Mary Margaret O'Callahan.
Mary Margaret has started calling herself, Thermodora the Warrior Princess and squirrel slayer.
She wears a thong and a bra, a plastic tiara and a BB gun now.
She shot a squirrel with the BB gun. It didn't do much damage to the squirrel but now she is on a mission. She mumbles, giggles and twitches quite a bit. She walks around the neighborhood in her outfit saying, " Hey squirrel, I got something for ya."
Nobody will report her. The women are afraid of her because she is armed and the men think she is "kinda good lookin".
I can see the road I may be going if I do not revise my thinking.

I have finally decided to make peace with Leonard and Sheldon.
Yes, this will give me peace of mind. I will do this. After all, they are only doing what they were put on this earth to do. I don't want to end up like my neighbors. It is the natural order of life. I should embrace this concept. I should embrace Leonard and Sheldon. Yes, embrace.....(twitch)...them. Embrace them VERY HARD.
Squeeze the life out of them. (twitch)
I must deny these rodentia of MY air, MY space!!!!(hee!hee!)


  1. Love the names--Leonard & Sheldon! They won't outfox you! er... out squirrel you...


  2. My husband used to spray the birdfeeder post with Pam. It had to be reapplied regularly, which he relished, but they would slide right down. It was hilarious. And now? He's made his peace and just feeds them in a separate feeder. Good luck to you!

  3. My wife moved the feeder to a place where the squirrels couldn't get at it But I took it out of the garbage can that she put it in. I Found a place on the side of the house that will be very difficult for them to get to.

    Now they just glare into the house. I think they are planning something nasty.

  4. I dunno...I'd love to watch squirrel antics from my family room. Make peace.


  5. Great post! (And photo!) It made me laugh out loud for sure! :D

    I must admit to having a wee soft spot for the squirrels though! They're quite cute. :)



  6. We used to get along quite well with the squirrels here by putting up bird feeders and squirrel feeders. My mom actually encouraged the squirrels - of course, that was long before we had any cats around the place. Neighbors moved in half a dozen cats and, not wanting to endanger their (the birds) lives, we stopped enticing the birds to hang out.

    I miss the birds and squirrels.


  7. the names leonard and sheldon, did you perhaps name them after the two main characters of the big bang theory? if so you are my hero.