Friday, June 11, 2010

MY annoying bucket list

I have heard people talking about their bucket list a lot lately. I guess this means "to die". I am guessing this comes from the expression "kick the bucket".
I find this expression highly disrespectful. I am kinda leaning towards " Dustbiters" myself. I could have Queen sing "Another one bites the dust." when they bring my body into the chapel. Then they would put a rocking chair at the altar. My wife would sit there. Two pallbearers would gently move the rocker back and forth to yet another Queen song, "We will rock you." and at the end of the services I would like to hear one of my favorite songs of the 50's. A song by the Del Vikings. It is titled "Come go with me."
Ah, three great funeral songs......but I digress.

We are talking about my bucket list or dustbiter bits, as I like to call them. I will stick to "Bucket list" for the sake of continuity.

First thing: My bucket list can only be spoken by Morgan Freeman. After I am finished with this little dissertation I plan on sending my list to Morgan to be recorded onto a CD.
This is only proper. He starred in the movie "Bucket list". It was either Morgan Freeman or Jack Nicholson. I like Morgan's voice.

  1. Ok, World travel is out. I have been two countries in the world. Canada and U.S., What else is there? I have seen a bunch of places in the movies and on television. Oh wait a minute. I wouldn't mind going to Charlotte Airport. They have nice rocking chairs there. I didn't really get a chance to sit in one. I had to catch a plane.
  2. I would like to go to a mall that has good food.
  3. Adopt some parents. My wife and I are both orphans. Her parents died at 75 and 82, mine died at 80 and 94.
  4. Pretend to be from Latvia for a day. Speak gibberish. "sham alaka du?"
  5. Do a nude painting. I usually paint with my clothes on. This will save a lot on clothing expenses.
  6. Apply to go to Harvard. I will send my real transcript. I write once a week until they answer.
  7. Get dentures for our cat. He has dental problems. We should not have fed him sweets when he was a kitten. (see! It's not ALL about me.)
  8. Start calling guys names like Biff or Buck.
  9. Be the founder of a group that protect earthworms. They contribute so much to our soil. what do they get for their trouble? Put on a fish hook!!!!! That's what! This really makes my blood boil. Did you ever look at their little faces? They are saying, " Just kill me now. This guy is crucifying me. He is sticking things in my body and teasing fish with my body."
  10. Become a Hassidic Jew or a Amish. I really like there fashion sense.
  11. Correct people who say, "I could care less." that means you still care. It should be," I couldn't care less."
  12. Correct people who say, "I should have went" . It's "I should have gone".
  13. Correct people who cannot pronounce a three letter word. Ask....not aks.
  14. Get all those cartoon characters with speech problems into a Speech Therapist. That would be Donald Duck, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd, Sylvester, Roadrunner (Beep! beep is his total vocabulary).
  15. Some of these characters have personal problems. Wily Coyote and Donald Duck need anger management. Donald Duck puts on a shirt but walks around bare-assed. This guy has some serious issues.
  16. Some one told me I should have watched "Lost". Isn't that a lot like watching Gilligan's Island but not as funny?
This is a good start. I will be adding to my bucket list as time goes on.


  1. **Mingle**
    This is a good start. I feel your pain about the word, "aks or axt". Even my sister did. She was an English major and tortured me (still does) about my grammar through my school years.
    One day a professor pointed out to her the words were proper English at one time. see:
    I said, "What?!" too.
    I'm not trying to burst your bubble, I still think "ask" is right and "aks" is ignorant. Damn English.

  2. Great list, Jon. Thank you for 11, 12, and 13. Please add "warsh" (as in wash clothes) and "ungions" (onions).


  3. What a great list! This should keep you busy.


  4. Might I also include the incorrect use of myself to your list? As in, "Give that to Tony or myself" ARGH!

  5. *mingle* I like your list! I also thought Donald Duck needed speech therapy too... and that yelling has got to be bad words!

  6. Here is a great place to create, manage and share your bucket list. You can also get some interesting ideas to put on your bucket list from others.

    Check it out.