The Class Reunion

Do I need to see these people?

We are moving soon.....again. It is a habit my wife picked up in Montreal. It is a July ritual in Quebec. It is very much like musical chairs. The Quebecois are strange. Very strange. My wife thinks that we are legally required to move every year. I have her trained to the point where she can make it almost 18 months before she starts looking for a new residence. The last time we moved, I told her to put me into a drug induced coma and wake me when the move is over.

Sadly, We cannot afford the drug induced coma because of closing and moving expenses.

Is this a paradox or a dilemma? ....or a paradoxical dilemma?

This brings me to "The class reunion".

Typically when people move they try to get rid of useless clutter and stuff. While decluttering I found my yearbook. I started looking through it. I came to the realization that it had been fifty years since I graduated from high school.

Fifty years????....!!!! Anniversary!!!!

Time for a reunion. I will start getting the data together. Names, addresses, a place to meet.

Meeting place: Most of the places have either been burned down to get the insurance money or fallen down because they were abandon due to strict drinking laws in New York State. Not many places available.

The Classmates: I will review my classmate list. We only had about 50 grads that year.

This was before they consolidated school districts. (Centralization)

What I remember about these people:

Leonard " Beaver" Bacon had 2 huge teeth in front. Somewhat reminiscent of Bugs Bunny. I never dared lend him a Dixon Ticonderoga #2 pencil. I was afraid he would eat it.

Herman Shepard and Cecelie Sorenson were the class "gay" people. We didn't know it. I am not sure if they knew it. I know Herman tried to hetero in high school. It didn't take. Years later he accepted the fact that he was gay. Cecilie was more of a mystery. She never had any dates in high school. She was not very attractive. She "came out" much later.

In high school I had a friend Richard, who was gay. Nobody really hassled Richard about it. He was more or less accepted, but nobody really wanted him in their cliche.

The deal was: If six of us guys (including Richard) went out drinking in the woods and we all had to pee at the same time, no one would have been surprised if Richard squatted to pee. It might creep us out a little.

Finnegan "Finn" James was the starchy, studious scholar of the class. He went to engineering school after graduation.

He rushed home the first week of class to tell everyone that farts burn and he organized a fart burners club.

apparently if you felt impending flatulence you were to ring a gong, run to the designated fart burners room, grab the zippo, place the zippo in position,turn out the lights and do your presentation. After it was over it would be rated for brightness, length of time, and anything else that engineering students thought would be an important factor. This is what his parents paid big money for.

Dara "The Derelict" Troutman was the class(shall we say) fun person. She got the name "Derelict" for passing out drunk at the Junior prom. This was stuff legends are made of. She was on the Prom Court. Actually she wasn't on the prom court. She was in the back seat of Leonard Kozloski's 1955 Ford Fairlaine... passed out....with her Prom dress somewhat askew. She did not make it back that evening.

Dara also got smashed on the senior trip to New York City. She was carried around Manhattan for two straight days.

She sobered up and now has a fine career as a Bartender. She can be seen wearing a T-shirt that says, "Boink me!!!"

Celestine Crenloe had some kind of skin problem. I now suspect it was something like psoriasis. It was not attractive. No matter....everyone called her "The Fish". Why?

She had scales. Kids can be cruel. I cringe when I think about it. Wow! Poor kid.

Stanaslaus Lopez is the name. Yes, It is a little strange. A Polish and Spanish name.

This was a mining town. Numerous men were killed in the mines. there were many widows. Sometimes these widows would find a new man. If she was Polish and he was Spanish, they would have a nice Catholic ceremony and have kids with strange names like Cosmo Lopez, Stanaslaus Lopez, and Bladis Lopez.

Walter Kozloski Jr. was an athlete. I have never seen someone with so much dexterity and creativity. He developed numerous new methods to cheat. I once observed him on a test. He had numerous systems and back up systems for cheating.

I observed him fanning through a history book with his feet, looking for answers. The History book was on the floor and he was turning pages with his toes. He usually wore penny loafers. He also did the invisible ink thing with lemon. His test usually smelled lemony fresh. He had notes everywhere. It was an awesome spectacle to watch. He never got caught. He didn't need to do this. He was smart enough. He just liked the game.

The last time I saw Walter was at the racetrack. Yes, Walter had a good day at the track. He prefers to be called Judge Kozloski now. This seems to be a reasonable request since he is an appellate court judge.

The more I go down the list the more I want to stay home. We had other interesting people like Hannah "The Mirror" Harrah, Orlo "Porky" Bacon, Jack "Hambone" Hamilton, Desdamona Cameltoe, Clarissa clitorless to name a few.

I don't believe I will travel 900 miles to have someone walk up to me and say, "and who are you?" or "Bring me another drink, Waiter."

"Yes, Dara!!"

Note: **The deal breaker***the woman pictured at the top was the same woman I had a crush on all through high school. She sent me her pix. I will not be going to the reunion. I will be doing a vascectomy on my self that day.