Friday, April 9, 2010

The birthing of John McCain.

The fickle finger of fate intercedes!

In what can only be described as an ironic twist of fate, it has been found that John McCain, recent presidential candidate was actually born in Panama.
This discovery was made by the newly formed Coffee party. The "caffienist", as they prefer to be called, researched this thoroughly and found very little. They did find a few disjointed facts that does support their theory.
With a brillo pad size bit of imformation, they have knitted themselves a Humvee of a theory.

McCain was not born in the United States. This is a fact.
It is said that he was born in the Panama Canal Zone which was a protected territory of the U.S in 1936.
However, the coffee party has a witness that states that Mrs. McCain was partying heavily in the nearby town of San Jose Emelio Estevez with her husband, "Big Jack".
She gave birth to a boy named John in the home of Juanita Hernandez, which is outside the "Canal Zone".
This wasn't deemed a problem until "Big Jack" realized this could become a future problem. What if he wants to be President someday? "Big Jack" got busy.

"We will have some guy make a fake copy of the birth certificate." "Big Jack" stated.
"Why don't you just photoshop a birth certificate?" queried Mrs. McCain. "Big Jack's answer was, "It won't be invented for another 40 years, at least."
The Caffienist have this documented. It was also noted that it said....Certificate of Birth instead of Birth Certificate. It also looks like the name was written....Juan Gomez McCain, which clouds the issue even further.

As the Caffienist researched they became more alarmed.
They discovered:
During the Vietnamese war, John or Juan spent many years in a Prison camp. It is believed that Juan or John was "re-educated". The research will show that he is now referred to in the espionage business as a "mole".
The Cafe guys have a list of 51 North Vietnamese who will verify to this fact that he is a "mole". They have a list. We know about list. Joe McCarthy always had a bunch of them.
It has also been noted that Juan may have converted to Muslim. People who have been to his home said that he had muslim towels and a Persian rug.
"Explain that, Juan!!!!"

I must say that the Obama plan to surreptitiously get himself elected as president was a much better plan. Elaborate yet almost mistake free. It is quite a tricky thing to be born in Kenya and have your birth announcement in Honolulu the next day. the paperwork was well done. It was well set up. Now you only have to wait about 50 years and have the Kenyan muslim run for president. The rest is a piece of cake.

Bulletin: The cat’s out of the bag- President Obama is clearly bowing to this child.Just where do his loyalties lie? To the American people? Or to five-year-olds?

What? McCain lost?

Perhaps I should move on.....
Never mind.


  1. I can't wait for Obama to get out of the White House.


  2. Unlike Indigo, I'm hoping for a second term.