Monday, September 7, 2009

My two cents (muttering and sputtering)

I must start by saying that I am an easy going person. At one time I was as calm as a Buddhist monk at a petting zoo. To be more truthful, I used to be an easy going person.
What happened? I am sure that the crankiness comes with age. Perhaps it comes with wisdom. Quite possibly medication. Maybe tight shoes. Possibly the guy driving behind us, texting, while driving up on the curb with his Hummer that has a dented bumper. (That happened this morning.)
At one time Andy Rooney was a wonderful, happy go lucky guy. He may have been a comedy writer early in his career. A joke teller, a raconteur, a delight to be around. Now he gets on television every week and tells people, " stop sending me all this crap. No, I will not clean my desk off. No, I will not do something with my eyebrows. Yes, I like my belt up to my nipples. Leave me alone!!!"
I have recently noticed that Clint Eastwood has been getting a little peevish in his movies. Hmmmm! After thinking about it for a minute, he has always been peevish.
In fact, he has probably done in more people than Rambo. The thing about Clint's movies is that they are filmed in the USA, so naturally the people were better armed in this country. Rambo only had to face AK47's in SE Asia. Clint had to face whatever the NRA said was legal, which was everything. (I often take my Bazooka and Uzi deer hunting.) When someone sends a few missiles at Clint's car, he gets annoyed. But his writers come up with some great lines when stuff like this happens. Not once did I hear Clint say"WTF? No, It's do you feel lucky, Punk?" or "Get off my lawn."

You just don't know what will set us old guys off. It is such a tricky balance. It could be the person in the theater who calls a friend and says, " guess where I am?" My answer to this person would be " in your own little bubble?" They wouldn't do that in church, would they? I can picture it now. "Could you hold still, Mr. Pope, so I can take your picture with my cell phone." In such a case, I can picture the pope slapping that person and it would be an acceptable response.
The world is just being overwhelmed by annoying people. You have your telemarketers that call at dinnertime. You have your annoying religious people who try to give you a copy of Watchtower magazine or tell you that they are at your door to save you from the Eternal fires of hell. I usually tell them "I am prepared" and then I spray them with a fire extinguisher. That is the only way to get them away from my door.
Then you go to the supermarket and when you check out, a cashier asks you if you want to donate to the "Save Governor Sanford from the Eternal fires of Hell". I asked "How will I know this won't go for plane fare to Argentina?" She could not give me a satisfactory answer. I did not donate. Then I go to the mall. There are people giving away free meals at these little kiosks in the mall. All you have to do is sign up to buy a timeshare after the meal. If you refuse, they sequester you until you sign. I had a friend who went to one of these "informational dinners". He was missing for 3 days. When they released him, his hair was totally white, but he is the proud owner of a timeshare in Haiti. He cries a lot. These are a few of the type of people that make me cranky.
Umm! Someone just pulled into my driveway. Hmm, They have Utah license tags. They are wearing black suit, black tie, white shirt, and sunglasses. Either it's the Blues Brothers or the Mormons. I better get the fire extinguisher ready.

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