Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Somebody's got some splainin' to do!

Me!!! Sorting it out.

Things are getting a little fuzzy in my head and it is not my hair.  I am trying to make sense of what is going on in the world. My world. Making sense of nonsense.

For starters, so you know who these people are?

Who would you trust in these pictures?
The people on the top or the people on the bottom?

The people on the top are the infamous hippy Billy Bob Clinton and his main squeeze, Hilly Rod Clinton.

Probably basking in the after glow of some naughty thing they did.

The very family oriented couple below are obviously made of a much finer thread than the hippies above.
The man is a musician. His wife with the huge dress is a judge.
His name is John Michael.  The woman is Sharon Rachel... Levy.
They call him John Michael, Ozzie ....Ozzie Osbourne.
He is the lead musician in "Black Sabbath".  His favorite food is frog legs.  Or frog heads.
Sharon is a Judge on "America's got talent".

The next couple have a common bond.  They both have had a family member killed and now they are trying to finance a search for the killer or killers.  They would be grateful for any contributions to aid in their search.

Please make all checks payable to:The Golf Club and Night Club Fund. Make that: Jonathan Hemlock on this site.

I will now move on to new business and observations.
I will call them keen observations by a Squirrelly senior citizen. 

About nature.  

Robin's cannot fly.  They are very much like a turkey.  Turkeys just walk around bobbing their beady little heads like a skilled boxer and end up on a table  at Thanksgiving.  Why they are not extinct is beyond my understanding.
The Robin can get around ok just don't ask  them to fly too much.  I have seen squirrels in my backyard fly more than a Robin and they are usually much higher up in a tree than a Robin. You will usually see a Robin running around on the front lawn, huffing and puffing and jumping to avoid the cat that is chasing him. huff…puff…jump…huff…puff….jump.
Another myth: They do not fly south. They hardly fly anywhere.  They hitchhike on the back of busses, 18 wheelers, anything that is heading south.

Dumb as a dodo or mourning dove.

We have some Mourning Doves in our backyard.  They are not very clever.  They spend most of the day running into my windows and the side of the house.  They have big bodies and very small heads.  Obviously their brains do not take up too much space in their heads.  I believe the Mourning Dove will probably evolve into the first headless bird.
Another myth: Why are they mourning?  Usually because one of their colleagues just did something dumb and now is deceased, not because of the sound they make.

Old hat:
Old pictures:In the early 1900's men always wore hats.  They wore them properly.
Apparently it became a lost art.  Nowadays, people do not know how to wear hats. They have them on sideways , backwards, oversized, undersized, everything but right.

Additional information:Men often wore hats and ties just about all the time. Usually a wool suit, a tie, vest, white shirt,  wingtip shoes, argyle socks, Wildroot cream oil in their hair, and a dab of bay rum on their cheeks.  
The only exception to this custom is when  you had diarrhea. Then it would be acceptable to wear only a hat and tie.

Many seniors are at the initial part of their life, like AARP, RIP, DOA,  SSI.

Bad Candy: 

I returned some  M&M's to the company that makes them.  They had mixed in some E's and W's.  They sent me a free bag.

Signs of aging disgracefully:

  • My mind is making contracts my body can't keep.
  • My little black book contains names ending only in M.D.
  • My knees buckle but my belt won't.
  • My back goes out more than I do.
  • I sink my teeth into a steak and they stay there.
  • I know all the answers but nobody is asking the questions.
But there is some good news, people.
  • Kidnappers are not really interested in me.
  • No one expects me to run into a burning building.
  • People no longer view me as a hypochondriac.
  • I constantly talk about the price of gasoline in 1962.
  • I enjoy hearing about other people's surgery.
  • I had a party and the neighbors didn't even realize it.
  • Now when I talk about good grass, I am referring to my lawn.
I can remember 1957 like it was yesterday.  
Hmm!.....Why can't I remember yesterday?

And finally.... my neighbor, Elmo, who is single, responded to this ad  on the internet:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good-looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (843) 8xx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.
Who says you can't find someone to love on the internet. 
In fact, that is how I met "The little French lady."
Elmo has found the love of his life. Daisy!!  
She is the sweetest black lab you would ever want to meet.

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