Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Social blundering and other government doubletalk

Squirrelly: relating to or resembling a squirrel. restless, nervous, or unpredictable. eccentric or insane. That's me!

Hmm! Perhaps It was not a good idea to let the woman from the state humane society read my blog.She said my blog was demeaning to squirrels. What about me? Is there no end to political correctness? Answer: NO! political correctness and government double talk is here to stay.
When I was growing up my school team was called "The Red Flame" opposed to blue flames or whatever. Today that team name would have to change it's name. It would be demeaning to the fire department. (another quasi-governmental agency). I know of a team called the Crusaders that was forced to change the name of their school team because it offended the sensibilities of the Muslim in the county. (both of them). Another team had to change the name from the "Redskins" to the Red Chickens or something. The name "Redskins" could be a little dicey. I personally thought it in terms of being warriors, but the three Indians in town were offended by "Redskins". So after 65 years of politically incorrectness,The name was changed. In view of this I suggest that all schools should be named after inanimate objects or fantasy creatures. I suggest dinosaurs, Rock Fiddlers, Griffins, or Porkchoppers. These seem fairly neutral.
It doesn't end there. The government has been confusing me for many years. Last summer I thought I would take up the sport of "waterboarding". I found out it wasn't a sport, it was a CIA torture technique.Some of the words are very confusing. My neighbor, the bureaucrat, said to me one day, "I believe my spouse has incurred collateral damage through negligent friendly fire and now I am up the proverbial estuary with insufficient means of propulsion." What???.....??"I just shot my wife and now I am up a creek without a paddle."He is currently incarcerated at the penitentiary. The big house. Up the River.I have collected a few examples of government speak.

1. Evidence Base - research shows
2. Functionality - use
3. Funding Streams - money
4. Iteration - version
5. Procure - buy
6. Rationalisation - cut
7. Robust - tough
8. Slippage - delay
9. Social Exclusion - poverty
10. Worklessness - unemployed

It appears everyone wants to get in on the action. Here are a few more goodies.
A criminal is now someone who is behaviorally challenged.
Failure is now deferred success.
Garbage man is now a Sanitation Engineer
Girl friend/Wife is an unpaid sex worker.
Illegal alien is an undocumented immigrant.
Psycho is now pathologically high spirited.
White trash is losers of European descent.
Intelligent Design means Darwin is full of....bodily waste.
Transfer tubes are body bags.
Pre-owned vehicle for a used car.

More Doublespeak

Affirmative Action / Racial Discrimination - Both mean "preferential treatment for a particular race". However, the first is mandated by law and the second in illegal.

Educated / Brainwashed - US children are "Educated" about the evils of drugs, pollution, and race relations ... Soviet children were "Brainwashed" in Soviet doctrine.

Realistic / Stereotypical - If a person believes that it is a bad idea to walk though the ghetto at night, they are simply being realistic. However, if they take the next step and say that the reason it's such a bad idea is because of the people that live in that neighborhood, they are accused of stereotyping.

Shell Shock / Combat Fatigue / Operational Exhaustion / Post-traumatic stress disorder - The comedian George Carlin once pointed out how the way we describe this condition has changed over the years. He pointed out how the wording has changed to completely remove any connection with the horrors of war from the name of the condition, even though it is the horrors of war which is the direct cause of the condition.

Self-confident / Arrogant - Liberals are self-confident... because they are dedicated to their beliefs. But, conservatives are arrogant because they are dedicated to their beliefs.

On the TV
My wife and I often watch People's Court and Judge Judy. Very often the defendants try doubletalk to minimize what they have done. Incarcerated seems to be a very popular word. They will try convolution to confuse the judge. It doesn't work. I used to hate to watch Judge Judy. I thought she was very coarse and nasty. Well, she is, but she usually gets to the truth pretty fast. I now enjoy watching the people squirm when they try to doubletalk mystify, baffle, and confuse Judge Judy. It usually backfires when the try to varnish, rearrange or embellish what actually happened. They usually end up confuzzled. (my wife's favorite word.)
So....I will now go to the rest room, powder room, rest area, toilet, bathroom, head, peepee parlor, can, comfort station, loo, john, potty, downloading (for computer geeks) visit the throne room where I will commence to.....ummm...oops!..never mind....too late!!!!


  1. Jon, you are just too funny!!!

  2. Demeaning to squirrels? Aren't they just for target practice anyway? :-)


  3. Gee...there were sanitation engineers when I was a kid--and I'm older than you are!

    Here in town, an esteemed old fast food joint was called "Murder Burger" for decades until some folks decided that was un-PC, so now it's called Redrum Burger. It doesn't fool anybody.

  4. Transfer tubes? Really? I guess my hubby was right - I DO lead a sheltered life!