Monday, November 30, 2009

The Codger's guide to dressing with dignity.


I was reading today that Cher is 62 years old and still wears see through clothing. I went to a celebrity website and sure enough she was wearing something transparent. she still looked pretty good.
This got me thinking. Am I too old to start a fashion trend? I think not. I believe it would be a great idea. It is a win/win situation for me.

I have looked at Vogue Magazine while I was at the hairdressing school getting my $3 haircut. These people in vogue look freaky.
Then I go to the mall and see people with purple and green hair with piercing in places that must really hurt. I met a Goth lady a couple of months ago who had a large golden colored safety pin through her upper and lower lip. I read in the paper this morning that she starved to death. Fashion will kill you.

I was talking to one of the clerks at one of the stores. She was trying to talk to me. She had so much hardware in her mouth I could not understand what she was saying. I ask the other clerk what she said. "She said to stop staring at my nipple rings." ...."Oh!...Sorry. I was just enjoying your fashion statement."

The guys dress weird also. It is almost like Stevie Wonder pick out their wardrobe at Goodwill Industries. I hate to say it but the guys look like they were at a School for the developmentally disabled and were on recess. Hats to large, hats on sideways, a dumb looking haircut, sneakers with no laces. you get the picture.
They exude such confidence. The "Don't I look cool" mode.
Yes, You have convinced me. It's workin for ya! Your projecting "moron, right?". You are so there.

In view of this, I have come up with a few ideas I am running up the flagpole. I have contacted Gentleman's Quarterly to get some feedback.
My first idea and perhaps my best is called "Going Rogue". It's a name that just popped into my head. I don't know where it came from but I like it.

The idea here is really revolutionary.
It is "overunderwear". The concept is totally mine. It is underwear that can also be worn on the outside. In other words you can wear it for eight straight days. The breakdown goes like this. regular front, regular back, inside out front, inside out back.
now you do the same sequence on the outside.

Now I know what you might be thinking. What about the embarrassing telltale skid marks? No problem. I have factored that in after an embarrassing incident at Walmart. I have striped overunderwear in your favorite pastel shades of, hmmm, the required colors. I obviously have already market tested these. I have my business plan in place.

I have numerous other marketable ideas in development right now. But I think this will get the ball rolling. In fact, an incident that occurred last week at Walmart virtually assures my success.
A teenage boy wearing really low slung pants with his underwear showing very noticeably and he had an over sized baseball hat walked up to me while I was wearing "Going Rogue". He started laughing to the point of rolling on the floor. He had tears in his eyes from laughter.
I asked him two things: how much he paid for what he was wearing and to go look in the mirror.

He is now my lead salesman for the area. He also wants to invest in my next line of clothing. It's called, "Going Commando".


  1. You are seriously killing me. LOL!

  2. Oh I love this. Definitely saves me a few loads of laundry!