Saturday, December 17, 2016

Barber school

I run this school.  What's your problem?

I finally went for my haircut Monday.  I have been putting off this traumatic event for a while and I was starting to look shaggy.  The  last time I went for a haircut at Walmart, the result were not pleasing to the eye.  In fact, the little French lady said it was the worst haircut she had ever seen inflicted on a human.  She had seen a worse haircut on an unruly poodle at Petsmart.

I decided I would try at a different place.  My thinking was; if I go to a school that cuts hair, the instructor will correct any mistakes the student makes, so that's what I did.

I sat in the chair, took off my glasses and chatted with the student haircutting person while she zipped away with her clippers.   She had been a student there for two years.  Hmmm...I thought the course was only six months long.
She finally took away her horse blanket, shook it off and said "done."
I asked, "isn't that a blanket instead of a barber cape?"
"No, it is a body bag, we have a few left."
Alarmed, I queried, " From what?"
"I dunno, I'll ask my instructor, Mrs. Camelsnout."
I was anxious to leave. "Check please!"

When I arrived home the little French lady took one look at my haircut and said, "OMG, what happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"Did you ask for the hillbilly Hitler haircut or did you have a North Korean barber?"

"No, her name ended with "a". You know I get bad haircuts from girls with one "a"  in their name, especially if it is the last letter, like Donna, or Lequeshia. The exception to that rule is if their first and last letter is "a", such as Ava and Amanda. I thought you knew that."
"What kind of logic is that? You are a deranged coot. "
"Logic? That kind of critical thinking got "The Donald" elected, besides that girl did a wonderful job on my eyebrows and besides, I threw away my sootie hoodie."
"You have no eyebrows. They're gone.
"I rest my case, they can't be wrong if there are none."

Later while we were watching tv I could feel my wife staring at me. After a while she said "have you ever considered shaving your head, Sweetie?"   That really hurt my feelings. 

So I wait patiently for the numerous gouges to grow back, the cut on my ear to heal, my dandruff to take root again. 
The toque can be tossed in a few weeks, hopefully my wife will let me go outside by next weekend.

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