Banking 

I'm ready to change my diet.  This idea came about after we applied for a home equity loan at our local bank. 

It didn't take us long to realize we were up  against a slow moving  uncaring apparatus that think of us as 15-9-343H-blah blah dash blah blah blah.

Dealing with a bank sometimes starts to get very overwhelming and frustrating.

I asked a friend how to deal with this situation.

His advice was:  "Think of this seemingly overwhelming situation as the proverbial 'how do you eat an elephant?' One bite at a time."

I took his advice.  I bought an elephant.

How long can a person eat elephant steaks, elephant stew, elephant dumplings, elephant sausage, belephant testicles, sautéed elephant liver, pickled elephant tongue, elephant creole, elephant tacos, elephant foo hung, elephant teriyaki, Chicago style elephant pizza, elephant tripe, Irish style elephant w/baked potato, barbecued elephant, baked elephant, boiled elephant, and elephant chili?

I'm done.

Not with the elephant, just with eating it.

The stinking carcass lies rotting on my front lawn.

The neighbors are complaining.  They are getting a little cranky.

The HOA president asks me when I will be moving the wooly mammoth off our lawn.

I told him that it would be soon. Maybe. This approach seemed to work for the bank.

He tried to nail me down to a specific date.

"Oh...you want a closing date? That will be soon after our bank gives us the money for elephant carcass cleanup and for our new condo."

Oddly the neighbors started calling our bank and tried to help us expedite the removal of the dead beast.

We have nice neighbors.

 But sometimes you have to put up a stink to get some attention.