The Limbaugh/Beck Citizenship Test.

"See you in Charleston, Barack!"

My Sweetie, who is a Canadian Citizen, has decided to become a US citizen. She is looking forward to singing, "I'm proud to be an American" on the way home from the test. I am very happy for her. Now she can become part of the greatest healthcare system in the world as stated by many Republicans in congress.

Perhaps our President can travel down to Charleston, SC and be sworn in as a citizen the same day my wife since Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck claim he is not a citizen.

Incidentally, Do we have any proof that John McCain is a US citizen? He was born in Panama. The last time I heard that was not in the US.

Well, anyway....I suspect that Limbaugh and Beck are about to update the citizenship test for when Obama head for Charleston to take the test. I have had the good fortune to be privy to a bunch of their questions.

1. Name the Lt. Governor of Vermont.
2. How many Samoans live in Phoenix, Arizona?
3. If a plane crashes on the California, Montana border, Where do they bury the survivors?
4. Rush has 10 marbles. If he loses 2 each day, how long before he loses all his marbles? (trick question! He has already lost his marbles.)
5. Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Joe Stalin, Adoph Hitler....which one does not belong in this group? (another trick question...no matter what answer you give it is wrong....only one female, only one left winger.....hah!!!)
6. How many letters in the Hawaiian alphabet? (This one is for you, Barack!)
7. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
8. Name 20 people buried in the Arlington National Cemetery.
9. Who's picture is on a $1000 bill?
10. Explain Thermodynamic in 30 words or less
11. madam, civic, eye, level. in one word, what are these? (must spell correctly)
12. What can be heard and caught but not seen?
13. What is the correct answer to this question?
14. What's wrong with you? (This questions is for Mormons and Catholics.)
15. Name the hill that "The Battle of Bunker Hill" was fought. (Trick question! It was actually fought on and around Breed's Hill.)
16. How long did the "Hundred Years War" last?(Trick Question...113 years)
17. Pi?....
18. What's that on your head? (This question is for Muslims, Jews, and Cowboys)
19. Who came in second on Season 2 of American Idol?
20. What disease did cured ham actually have?
21. why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
22. How important does a person have to be before they consider him/her assassinated, not murdered?
23. Can a hearse with a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
24. Should illiterates be allowed to buy alphabet soup?
25. Why is abbreviation such a big word?
26. What was Abraham Lincoln's hat size?
27. Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off?
28. What's the name of Rocky the flying squirrel's companion?
29. What do the Chinese people call their good plates?
30. E=MC2... explain.
31. Explain George W, Bush's Ephiforatic strawtiggery doctrine.
32. Pocahantas and Sacajawea? explain.
33. Which programming language is a Macbook Snow Leopard operating system written in?

OK! This is a few sample questions for Barack.....and my wife when we get to the Federal office.

There are a few questions my wife hasn't figured out yet so I am kinda happy that there are different questions.

No, Sweetie...The Great Depression was not when everbody was sad!

No, Roosevelt was not a cross dresser, it was Hoover, but not Herbert Hoover. It was his brother Jegdar. The FBI guy.

No, Teddy Roosevelt did not manufacture condoms. He was the leader of the "Rough Riders. He didn't make them.

Another thing: The answer to the question, "who will take over for the President if he can not serve?", is not OMG!!!!!

To go even a little further: If neither the Prez or VP cannot serve, the answer is not "Holy Crap".

Also, Diana Ross is not Chief of the Supreme Court.

George Washington is known for more than wooden teeth and standing up in the boat going across the Delaware River so he wouldn't have to row and get his hands cold.

I might add that answering the question, "name a war that the US fought in during the twentieth century?" .....you cannot answer with the question, "Wouldn't it be easier to answer: What year didn't the US fight in a war?

I believe the answer to that was 1947.

Also, the "Cold War" is not when you pounded on the radiator's so the landlord would turn up the heat.

Other than those items, I believe you have a complete grasp of the citizenship test.

I will go get that Lee Greenwood CD now.

smoozing with Bernie and other Vermont weirdness

My wife and I had to leave Vermont. I trash talked the place on a regular basis. If we hadn't left we would probably be deported from there. The authorities would have escorted us to the border and said, "Don't come back!"

We would not have looked back.

But now I am. What went wrong?.....Nothing!!!!???

Things change. Vermont changed. I changed.

There are some nifty things in Vermont. Our real estate agent name was Von Trapp.

Is that cool or what? Yes, He is part of "The Von Trapps". Great guy. Good agent. Singing skills? I don't know.

Green Mountain coffee roasters? Great coffee. Cabot Cheese? The Best. Ben and Jerry's? Yum, Yum.

You don't need to be in Vermont to get all these good things. Let' move to warmth.

I used to enjoy snow. I am not 10 years old any more. I do not enjoy driving in it. I do not enjoy walking in it. I do not enjoy shoveling it. It gets heavy.

I never enjoyed cold. The only thing you could do was brag about who had the coldest temperature. " It was 137 below zero at my house last night." It was so cold last night penguins were trying to break into my house." My house the temperature was absolute zero. molecules stopped moving for 12 minutes."

Vermont was taking the fun out of our life. The people were the biggest problem.

The problem started in 1957. IBM decided to build a facility in Essex Junction which is a suburb of the small city of Burlington. They hired 400 people. They were mostly liberal democrat engineers. At the time Vermont was a very conservative state. A Democrat could not get elected dog catcher or anything else. This changed with IBM. In the next 50 years the work force climbed to 10,000 workers at IBM.

The northern half of Vermont became very liberal. The Southern half, not so much.

Before IBM showed up Vermont main industry was Agriculture.

The farmers did not trust the newcomers from the big cities. The newcomers thought the farmers were a bunch of old cow herders who didn't know diddly squat or squiddly doo about anything. They didn't trust each other and still don't. The closer you get to Burlington the more you can feel it. It is difficult to make real friends in this area.

The people seem to be very guarded. It is like: "what do you want? Why are you talking to me?" It is difficult to have more than a superficial friendship. It changed the culture and politics of Vermont.

The politicians of Vermont are a pretty cool group. You can smooze with these guys.

Sen. Patrick Leahy is one of the old war horses of Congress. He is a powerful senator.

He is into the National and International scene. Yet, He will be seen all over the place in Vermont. You go to a parade, he's there. You go to work, He's there. (He has been to my worksite at least a half dozen times in the eleven years I worked there.) I have seen him at numerous events. I asked him one time if he was looking for a job at my work place. He said," No, I am saving your job." He showed up at work to announce a multimillion dollar defense contract that we had won. I liked that.

Sen. Bernie Sanders (pic above) is the recipient of the IBM effect on the Vermont culture. He is the only Socialist in the US congress. He was the Socialist Mayor of Burlington before going national. This guy you can spot a mile away. You can also hear him a mile away.

He has a head of unruly white hair. Even when the wind is not blowing it is all over the place. He has a voice that booms. He does not really need a microphone.

Bernie is a grass roots type of guy. He is always fighting for the little guy. He is very unpretentious. He is very well informed. He is a conservative's nightmare. I have been a registered republican all my life, but if I had an issue with the government, he is the guy I would want working for me. He is a very interesting guy. If you are ever in the senate gallery and want to find Bernie look to the left. further...further....further. Look for the unruly white hair over against the left wall. Yes, He is a socialist. He is passionate about it. He is not a nut case. If you want nut case politics, move south.